New thread - My WW

[mvgfwd2]

Well, there you have it. When you don't stand up for yourself she will walk all over you. She knows you know what she is doing and you aren't doing anything. So it is no surprise that she is now putting it in your face. "Look at my phone, see, I'm fooling around with OM, and your sorry, weak butt won't do anything about it." And again you wonder when to put her out of your bed. What's it going to take? Finding them in your bed? Would that be enough to get you motivated?

[Strngr!]

Thanks Soto i have read the thread on boundaries a couple times. Im having trouble grasping the concept. Your explination helps though i appreciate it.

[Strngr!]

Thanks Vapo i hear your point makes total sense. I definitly need to work on detachment.

[Strngr!]

The way the situation went down im not sure it was realy her flaunting it in my face but i guess there is always a potential thats the case... also i bought a keyed door handle for the bedroom today when i was out at the gym so anytime it can be done anytime. I was going to wait for next time she comes home late and im quite sure shes with OM. However i suppose her texting him non stop all the time is as good a reason as that anyway.

[Zues126]

As to your question as to how you'd know if she's done with OM AND ready to recommit to the M...just plan on that never, ever happening. If it does be pleasantly surprised and trust that she'd let you know.

I'd also recommend you assume that nothing you do will change her in any way. Locking the masterbedroom door will set up a conflict. If you're doing this to demonstrate strength to her it won't work. If you're doing it to demonstrate strength to yourself it might...unless you back down.

I think the more you realize she isn't going to change and the less you care about her reactions the closer to the right path you'll be on.

Maybe ask yourself...if you knew another man that was going through this...how would you think he should handle it? Move out? Stay in the same house but just cut off all non-essential contact and build his new life by himself? File D? Take an extended vacation and leave the country for 6 months?

All valid ideas. Kick them around and think about what you believe you are supposed to do.

[sandi2]

For clarification, my suggestion about hanging in till Christmas was in reference to your boundary about not living in an open marriage.

[Strngr!]

Update: w just told me she was stayinh at a girlfreinds tonight. I said ok and walked away. She came over and said dont you want to talk. I said whats there to talk about. Im not gona try to stop you. There was some more dialog about me not talking to her anymore and her not knowing how i feel. I said i tried that it wasnt working you continued talking to and meeting up with OM. Now shes out getting groceries. She will return say gnight to s1 and return in the morning. Ill just let her go. Geez i feel like i should talk to her she wants to talk. I dono. What you guys think?

[Strngr!]

Oh she also said something to the effect of she had to be the bigger person and find somewhere to stay because i didnt want to leave.

[mvg]

Listen...here's a 2x4 for you bc I was in your EXACT same position one year ago....exact. Feel free to read up to see what I'm talking about.

In my experience, it's nuts to think that a waw who didn't respect the boundaries of marriage would respect them now. You do NOT deserve to be treated this way. Read that again.

My suggestion is to detach and do it now, for your own sanity and your kid. My boys were 4 and 2 at the time, I know exactly how much pain you're in and I'm very sorry.

You will have an "aha" moment...can't tell you when, took me two months. You'll wake up and realize that the life she is setting up is toxic. You deserve way better than that, we all do.

Detaching will speed up the process. Start exercising, playing an instrument, learn Italian. You need to be the same one here, it seems like you already are on that path.

Don't give up. Keep posting, reading, talking. This will get better, it just takes time. It's like a marathon...,it just [censored], but you can't jump ahead to mile 25.

You will come out of this stronger than you ever imagined.

We're all here for you.

[Strngr!]

Shes all packed up and left off to her freinds. She was crying on her way out. I just said good night have a good sleep. I dont feel as bad as exected well see if i can get some sleep.