Had a great Thanksgiving. We kept it just to the 4 in our immediate family, but we rolled out dinner as a team effort and although we're pretty good at the routine, it went even better than usual. I probably shouldn't have, but I mentioned it to my wife and she agreed. A (Very brief conversation about the advances we've been making in our relationship ensued. Essentially, we agreed that we had a ways to go, but that it was better. I'm not reading much into that, but I'll take it as a positive sign.
Wife went shopping on Black Friday and I was irrationally scared she was gong to see the OM. Don't think she did, because she started texting me from the store to get ideas on clothes she wanted to buy for the kids... Whether or not things work out, 2 things are abundantly clear to me. 1) I am to focused on what my wife/OM do. I need to be happy with what I do and what I have. I got an afternoon alone with my boys and we had a blast. Nerf guns and sword fighting are a great way to spend the afternoon... 2) I am still WAY to jealous and untrusting. I need to work on this, but I'm not totally sure how.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Not sure why, but this thread is beginning to turn into the dirty seduction thread, lol. And I totally approve!
First off, let it be said that my definition of Physical intimacy is far away from sex. There are many delicious stages to achieve before sex happens, and there is absolutely no need to rush to the finish. Yes, apparently I believe in tantric courtship...
Along those lines, weird things happened these last few days. W took a shower and fell asleep in a towel on our bed. She was sleeping hard and I ended up curling up with her for about a half hour before covering her with a blanket. In the morning I told her how distracted I was seeing her almost naked - she jokingly told me to stop, but her eyes were flirting...
Second weird thing - she bought a semi clingy top while shopping and I accidentally walking on her while she was trying it on in the bathroom. I called her out so I could look at it and I realized she wasn't wearing any pants. It was not at all planned, but I'm pretty sure my response (jaw drop, dilated pupils, increased heart rate) let her know she looked damn good. She got a a cute/flirty school girl look on her face when she asked what I thought of it. I told her she looked great in it and as long as she was at home I would never ask her to wear pants, lol. After she playfully punched me in the chest she told me I was supposed to be looking at the shirt. I told her I was looking at the total package. Dear lord help me, but I think we're starting to flirt again. Never saw that coming, but I like it!
Now I just need to control my early morning cuddles to not cross any boundaries. That is going to take a Herculean effort
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
That sounds promising! Flirting is good! I wish I could get my H's attention that easily!
As far as not thinking about the OM, I think that is just going to take time. Don't be hard on yourself, its human nature and as long as you are aware of it and trying to fill your thoughts with something more positive, you will eventually get there.
I will post in your thread about your situation, but apparently things aren't as good for me as I thought.
W has plans to go over to the OM apartment this afternoon under the guise of holiday shopping. Yes I snooped, but I had reason to and an opportunity presented itself. Now I'm left questioning all the progress we've made. It's possible that it is meant as a platonic meeting between friends, but the clandestine nature of the meeting raises huge red flags. And now I feel like the biggest sucker ever.
This [censored], and I'm going to do the best I can to not drink myself into a stupor in front of the kids while she's gone. I feel like such an idiot
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Well, I probably just did a bad thing... And no - it's not drinking. One good thing is that with all this going on I'm drinking A LOT less than I used to. A clear head is critical to DBing....
Anyway, I just told my wife that she's been very involved with her phone lately and asked if she was using it to shield herself from the family. She said no, and then the conversation wandered over to trust. She said she was keeping such a tight rein on her phone (it never leaves her sight) because she didn't trust that I won't invade her privacy. I chose to ignore that diversion and mentioned that I was having struggles trusting her, especially regarding her involvement/time spent with the OM.
I then told her that my gut was telling me that she was going to go to the OM this afternoon. And that the only way I'd be able to trust her is if I had open access to her phone. That I had the right to look at any point. Without warning. Because trust needed to be EARNED before it was GIVEN. She grudgingly conceded, but I decided not to ask at that moment even though I knew what I'd find. She still has a chance to make the right choice this afternoon, but it needs to come from her, not me.
I also mentioned that the chance of us healing and growing will never happen as long as shes sneaking around with the OM. So there, I said my piece. Now I need to sit back and enjoy my time with my boys and not think about anything else. One good thing about the compartmentalization that comes with being a nice guy -it's actually not that hard for me to set things temporarily aside.
The biggest negative for my direct approach - it's gonna be real hard for me to be civil and/or go back to how nice things have been.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
As an aside, (Sarcasm alert!!!!) I've discovered the best diet plan is to have a wayward spouse. I'm down 15 pounds and predicting another 5 will be gone by next week.... Soon I'll be at my college weight from almost 20 years ago
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
I don't know for sure what my W had/has planned with the OM. Maybe she wants to break it all off with him?
Yeah I don't think so either, but I couldn't help but notice she was stressed out before I we had our little talk. And she skipped lunch, just like me. Although she was insanely cheerful (almost manicly so, if that's a word) right before I told her I didn't trust her..
*Note to self - MUST STOP TRYING TO MINDREAD... Gonna need some help on that one
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
SciDad, don't react, stay level headed, don't do anything that could make things worse. You still want to save the marriage, right? Keep your emotions in check right now.
Can you take the kids and go out somewhere fun? Just get out of the house, anywhere so you are not waiting on her to get home.
