Black and white

[Zues126]

Thanks PP. I think I'm just confused on which parts of my outlook are idealistic and just destructive, and which are healthy and productive.

For example...it doesn't feel like it's that crazy to think a woman could understand and accept me for who I am...but maybe that's idealistic? Or maybe I'm supposed to be able to accept that's not possible, play the game, and by doing so have at least a lasting partnership if not the marriage I actually wanted...But people act as if there is a 'match out there somewhere' as if it's a matter of finding the right person, which I don't believe as I see that as idealistic and the reason behind so many D's (we're not the right match for each other, etc)...But maybe the idea of accepting what you're given and staying loyal to one partner even if it doesn't feel like you're a fit is idealistic and I should just embrace relationship hopping...

So confusing to me. I can't tell the rules of the game. I'd like to think it works like this [Zues's Mariage Rules]: Rule 1. You pair up with someone. Rule 2. You never get to leave the partnership. Rule 3. You agree to both do everything possible to reach a mutually fulfilling partnership. Rule 4. You never give up on #3. Rule 5. Anything that is difficult, distasteful, irritating, frustrating, or challenging, MUST be overcome by one party, the other, or through TEAMWORK, until the objective is accomplished. See, I guess deep down I just expected that this was obvious, that anyone that played the game of marriage would play by these rules. But this forum proves otherwise.

My longwinded point, PP, is that it's clear the world doesn't operate under my set of rules. It's caused me a lot of loss, and I don't want to compound that by beating my head against reality. If you can't beat them, join them. I'm trying to learn the rules of this game so I can play it. The sad part to me is the idea of running through a lot of relationships trying to find the person that plays this way...well, to me that violates rule 2. But again, I'm not worried about it right now. Just can't help but wonder which rule I broke, and trying to understand the game that's going on around me.

As for the hypnosis with pool...it did help, but it certainly wasn't a magic bullet. It helped me stay refreshed and calm during high intensity high pressure marathons. It reminded me what my real goals were.

More later, thanks all.