Pho...I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I don't have much patience for spewing H's these days. Mine had one heck of a spew-fest at my expense the last time I allowed him to speak to me. I just sat there in disbelief as every bad thing that has ever happened to him was blamed on me. I know I'm pretty incredible, but dang! I have some awesome powers of destruction.
He's starting to understand I will not speak to him. L is setting up an emergency hearing to get me some money. He won't give me any unless I prove I need it. He's having an affair. He doesn't get to control me anymore. He's going to really dislike the new me. As much as I wanted to stand for my marriage? I don't care as much anymore. I'm tired of the abuse.
My hope is that your upcoming time apart enables you to arrive at a place of peace, no matter how it presents itself. I'll be here for you no matter what. I'm still going to work on me.
Ancaire, between the two of us we really have superpowers. I have the powers to cause disease! I know you have had it rough, so extremely intense and in such a short amount of time. At least mine is on some level trying. In a very small way from my perspective, but I also recognize that for him it is huge.
I am praying that now that Thanksgiving is over I can focus on myself and my kids again. I was really in a 3 week rut there.
Today I have a lot going on, but my goals (in addition to the things I am doing for myself- meeting a friend, going to church) are going to be for my children. I am going to interact with each child in a meaningful way today. I will let them take the lead, probably playing a game or doing a project together. I have ideas but no plans- the plan will be to give each of them a good one on one dose of "mom" time, just doing something simple and around the house. It is rainy and cold here, and they are all tired from traveling, so I am keeping the plans easy. I am also going to make a great family dinner. I will be pleasant to H but no puppy dog eyes and no pursuit.
This week we are overrun with dr. appointments and counseling appointments. I did not cancel the appointments that I had planned to cancel because I haven't lined up new ones yet. Also will start decorating for Christmas, I need to work on a project for the school, and research some more part-time or very flexible jobs for myself. And I have my dinner group. Next weekend is H's office Christmas party. Should be interesting as some of the guys know about OW.
