Julie mentioned seeing how she could feel distrustful of me after that. Funny, I thought she'd have reason to trust me more. Considering the situation I'm not really sure how anyone could have handled it with more integrity. The only thing I could've done differently is not felt the feelings I was feeling. Hmmm. I'll tip my hat to those without temptation.
When you look at this rationally and logically, you are absolutely right. Your honesty regarding the situation reveals a man That has a lot of integrity and is very trustworthy. But relationships and feelings and woman are not rational. We all have fantasies about other people and we should never act on them. But I think that by revealing your fantasy, your wife might have thought that there was more to it then just a fantasy or why confess. I know my husband has to be attracted to other females. He is human. But I don't want to hear about it. It would hurt my ego and make me feel unattractive which would decrease my libido. I wouldn't appreciate the sacrifice he made to be loyal to me, I would view it as an affront to my sexuality and it would have damaged my pride.
Zues, One of my brothers and his best friend remind me so much of you. Highly intelligent, very sensitive, noble, filled with great insight and honesty and they strive to always do the right thing. (I always thought my husband was like this as well). Their wives do not realize how lucky they are to have them. There is an innocence or idealism to that black and white way of thinking and sometimes I think by advising you or my brother to not do what you felt was right, is actually changing that unique perspective and way of acting on life that you have. You are men that are different from the majority of men and I think that's a good way to be and want you and my brother to not feel like you have to change to fit in with people that do not do the right things.
It's hard, because most people do not have or are incapable of appreciating your good intentions because of their own insecurities and ego so their feelings end up getting hurt and I know that was not your intent. You wanted to proove to her your loyalty. I know how confusing females can be and how frusturating it is to witness them falling for the guys that know how to use BS words that are lies. It's called playing the game and I respect that you don't do it.
But I do think that there has to be a way to remain honest and true to yourself but to also protect someone's Feelings. Sorry but All I can offer is an understanding of how your wife probably felt and I know it's all in the past.
I tried a lot of ways to improve the R that were probably 'my ways', and failed to really try to work on things 'her ways'. And at times I was so worn out with it that I'd take a break and just live my life for a while. When we wouldn't talk it wasn't out of anger or rage, but rather just defeat
. It's funny, my husband keeps saying how much he tried and I don't see it. Obviously he didn't try too hard, since he left. When he didn't talk or interact much with me, it was the worst thing in my mind. I sometimes would say something I knew would lead into a fight, just to have some interaction because to me any type of communication was better then none. Feeling stonewalled was the worst cause it made me feel as if I could not get throught to him. I wish I had read all the relationship books sooner.
