Dday - I truly think that your best chance at reconciliation IS to protect yourself. There is no 'balancing' to do. The whole 'don't make her too upset' thing just doesn't mean anything. Look at the damage that they do....and we go around thinking that if we don't make them toooooo upset, that they'll change their mind.
Ultimately, worry and focus on what you think is best for your kids. Otherwise, give her the things you can and fight for what you NEED.
