Thank you Pigpen. And its actually not the worst day yet. Not by far! At least what he is saying is "spew" in content, but he is saying it in a calm and concerned way, not raging, more like "This is something that has been bothering me that I want you to be aware of." And then.....OMG the content is awful. But delivery is better. He did get a little overly intense and kind of scared me at one point, was in my face practically spitting, but he walked out and cooled down. He is learning to control his anger, and now he is learning to speak. I can set us both back so much by reacting emotionally.
I hope you are right pigpen. I know we all on here think our situation is unique, our spouse's are really not the people they are acting like, they really are loving and awesome and just messed up, I know we all think that, but I do believe that. Kind of like everyone who is in jail claims they are innocent. That's me. "not my H, yes he cheated but he didn't mean to, yes he spewed for months, but he didn't mean it, yes he said he hates me, but he didn't mean it."
You know what the worst part is? That I knew this all along. I knew H was incapable of handling emotions, I knew from early on in our relationship that he was incapable of taking ownership for his own emotions. But I was 20 and stupid. I wasn't thinking marriage, I wasn't thinking long term, and I guess if I did I thought he'd outgrow it or we'd work it out? Love would conquer all? I knew it, and I didn't think about the long term implications of it, what would happen when life got hard. I didn't think about it.
But, and here is the big thing......In the last 9-10 months I have been just clinging to hope and wanting nothing more than to stay married. I still am clinging to hope and wanting to stay married. But more than just staying married I want this resolved.
I can see another ending to this now, that involves breaking up. And I am not happy with that alternative, but I can see it, and I can accept it. So that is huge progress for me.
