Thank you Mutatio. For so long I wanted the silence to end and now that he is speaking up the things he is saying just are so hurtful. It's like he is describing a different relationship, a different person than me. I don't recall this incident, it just doesn't sound right. What else is in his head? And at the same time his behavior is improving, so it leaves me to wonder if this is his process of working things out and there is hope? Maybe by talking about these awful things he will find some resolution and healing and we can move forward? Because right now when I hear these things it just makes me want to vomit and wonder WTF? I want to be hooked up to a lie detector test to prove that I didn't say this, but that isn't going to happen.

A friend of mine went through this and she said it took 2 years before she felt "safe" that her H was back. She said just when things seemed better he'd start spewing and sleeping in the basement again. Maybe this separation is what could save us, because I believe I'd break down during those 6 months if I had to listen to this during that time frame.

It also makes me tempted to create some off the wall things that he said just to see how he likes it. I can say "remember that time you said you only wanted me to hop? well that messed up my knees and now I can't bike any more." I mean it feels like that level of crazyness to me. Maybe I did say it, I can see maybe a context where he was saying "My family this" "My family that" and maybe just maybe I said "We are your family too". That I could see saying. I think he twisted it. But I can't even say that because I don't remember it at all.

And he says he altered his speech about his family and has not called them his family for 10 years after this and this is an example of how controlling I am?

I can just imagine what kinds of things he is telling his IC, no wonder why he came to the conclusion that I am emotionally abusive and borderline personality.
And what about the things I actually really said? All of the ILY's and How are you, can I get you something, would you like a massage, are you ok?, all of those 1 million caring loving statements are not remembered and given no weight at all?

OMG, what has he been telling his parents and friends that I said? Everyone probably thinks I am insane.

Over the years I have written him a lot of letters, I know he kept them, maybe one day he will read them and get a different perspective on our life. I can't even suggest it. It would probably be what he does the day I walk away and then it will be too late. He can start over with someone else and think things are awesome until his memory starts playing games with her too.

Could this all be spew from the EA? Could an EA create this much confusion and guilt and rewriting of history? He claims it was just Jan-May but I know they were in contact through August. I am thinking the original round of spew from Feb- May was associated with the EA but could this be stemming from that still? I think this goes much deeper than that.

He leaves in about 6 weeks. I can hang on for 6 more weeks. And then just let events unfold as they will.