That sounds like some good personal growth. I would take that as a good sign that no matter what you will be OK. I had something similar. My wife and I used to run races a lot. The first one after BD by myself was terrible. I hated it and was so sad. But I fought through it and kept on doing them. Now, I don't even think about her anymore when I am at them and I enjoy them just as much but in a slightly different way. Hang in there!
