I hate this. I really hate this. I cannot wait until he leaves for his job. I know I can be pleasant and breezy on phone calls, and if does visit once a month I can be friendly and maybe the break will be a "break" from our old ways of interacting and we can establish new ones. Maybe living together and having to be "on guard" 24/7 is what is holding us back. (among other things, but I will be positive.)
I have a lot going on in my mind right now that I want to ask advice on, but I will hold off until the time comes. Things like how to handle when the IL's want to visit the kids while H is away. How to deal with H when he comes home to visit. How to deal with no sex. Should I even be having sex at all with him since he doesn't kiss me during it and then I feel used, but the dilemma is that I have a very high sex drive so its not easy to go without.
How to not get too excited and hopeful that h said "there is some love there."
And, on top of this all, I visited an old friend yesterday. She knows the situation, but I haven't talked to her in months. She asked if H was still talking to the lesbian. The lesbian? Where did she get that? She calls the ow the lesbian? I asked her why and she said "just a feeling, I think she is." OK, that came out of left field but strangely makes me feel so much better. Wouldn't that be the ultimate irony if H was falling in love with someone who really did think they were just friends? No wonder why it didn't turn physical, if she is a lesbian! LOL! I will never know. It doesn't matter. But in a weird way it made me feel so much better. It would be just like my H to miss the signs. My friend has a lot of lesbian friends, she said something about ow just struck her as being one. IDK, she is probably just trying to make me feel better.
Sorry, getting sidetracked. I have no one else to "talk" to about these things. You are all my bff's.
