Maximus, I am sure she suspected an affair which would be a huge motivator for her to hit the gym the way she did and to seek affirmation from another man to make her feel good about the way she looks. Could be, she also lost her job so i presume unhappiness at home and job loss made her take refuge in gim
You wrote "I never considered her sexually since a long time". She probably sensed this. As I said, a woman gets turned on knowing that she turns you on. Then why do they reject the H's advances?
The suspected affair was a huge insult to her ego. She simply wants to feel beautiful and desired. We can tell by the way you look and talk to us. Talk to her like you would a very sexy girl in her early 20s. Like she is a prize you want to win. Very good point. I realized looking back that as H we treat them as sex objects. Forget the day interactions you mention and then expect a porn star in bed. I try that now. Hugging from behind sporadically during the day, kissing her neck, speaking sweetly and sounding happy to hear her voice. This in conjunction with my change as a H to be next to her and not behind her.
If you were involved with someone else, I can imagine how detached you were from wife and for a long period of time too and I can imagine how bad she felt not knowing for sure but suspecting. So do I
I know you feel the affair was justified but she will never see this. She will see how hurt you made her feel and how you chose other woman instead of being patient and working with her. The way man think they work on things and communicate is different then the way women do As she also had a fling, would you say a W then realises what got H to also go wayward?
(She is exercising to the point her Achilles tendons are about to tear...do you see the emotional pain she is in? ) I know she is in emotional pain because sometimes an innocent action will cause her eyes to swell. an example .. i was supposed to meet her at the gim to go to the doctor for my back. I forgot and thought she was coming home to pick me up. I saw time went by and no news. i then sent her a message that it was strange she did not turn up and that i hope everything was Ok. I didnt want to call because i thought she was having a crisis. I left for the appt and she arrived home and called me saying her phone blocked and that she was not irresponsible and would not leave me to go by myself she was not that sort of person... all crying. I calmed her down and she came to the doctor and picked me up. she just exploded. so I know her head has a storm.
I suspect the 180 in your case would be giving her attention, time, and tons of verbal affirmations? When did you give up giving her romance? Years ago when she stopped accepting it. she would go mad when i gave her a bunch of flowers saying it was a waste of money. She once made me and my son give back a cologne we bought for her because she thought it was throwing money away and she stopped using cologne. Me and my son hated those days where you had to give gifts like mothers day or her birthday. We then just bought anything saying what the hell w will make us give it back anyway.
it sounds like you resent her because of no sex and she resents you for something. You might have to be bigger person (which it sounds like you are trying to be) and put your resentments to side. I'm not saying to tell her of your indiscretion, but you might want to treat her the way someone that cheated on his wife and is trying to get her back does. By swallowing your needs for a while and just rebuilding her confidence. Give her time to trust you again. Show remorse and apologize for neglecting her. Make her feel beautiful doing all that Julie that is why I am here.
