One of the problems I always had with W was communication.
Sure we would talk and talk and talk when there was a problem but in between not a lot. We had some together moments where we spoke about mundane things but never really exchanged what was affecting us nor had real pillow talk.
I cant remember the event you mention from the posts.
Yes, she read some erotic novels. The thing with W and erotic or sexual is that I never considered her sexually since a long time ago. The last great memory I had of her as initiating sexually was a long long time ago coming out of the shower in just a robe to the front room right up to me, open it up and that look on her face told me what she wanted. Aaaahhh what a night LOL.
After that things just died down, she never wanted sex, pulled a face at sexual jokes, if I told her how sexy she looked or how something made her look attractive she dismissed it. Never smiling acknowledging anything sexually complimentary about her. It was like living with Julie Andrews, just needed the von trapp kids to come out and sing.
Fast forward many many years to 2014, a while back through detaching and focusing on many hours of gim and supplements she got a great body. She then put a few selfies on her FB showing her abs. After the day everything blew and i saw the inappropriate photos in her phone as well as the lovey dovey messages to OM it was like 2 different people. If I had told her to send me a photo like that she would have told me to FO. I never sexted with her when I was away nor did she send me sexy or loving messages.
If she had shown me that side and opened up a little I would be putty in her hands. I cant speak for everyone but you know there is something when even though you are involved in an A the sex with OP is porn stuff but you still wish at times it was your s you had moaning. That to me just made me angry.
Dont think im not a romantic neither. I am old school, the roses, chocolates, jewellery, dinners , etc but I would wine and dine her only to get home kiss goddnight and to sleep. I still did it even though I knew nothing would happen in the hope she would act with anything, not just sex. I gave up after a while. The spark just left.
Saying this its funny how women think they can fix everything with a kiss. Whenever they turn down H they pull the kiss card as if that makes it right. As if by kissing we understand and will sweep it under the rug. I HATE those kisses. Consolation kisses.
I think we should do the same... I wont change the light bulb you are hammering on about but hey .. here's a kiss ... now on your way.
There are only so many rejections a man can take. So many closed doors he can take to advances before he emotionally shuts down. At that time I did not know DB existed. Now I would put a plan into action and see how it went before deciding.
From various posts I see a common problem with M with newborn children.
The W shifts her focus to the child, the husband still has his focus on the W. She goes from Wife to Mother. He wants to still be a husband but she is forcing him to be father first and in between Husband.
I know women get stressed with births and men freak out and when sh1t hits the fan its the other one's fault. Truth is its both your fault.
When I hear the women complain about the man not spending enough time with her or the children I get it. She needed him to have her back while she changed her role from Wife to Mother and push him 1 step down the love ladder while he resents her for this change. The dynamics changed and neither one understood how it affected the other. Add to that any other underlying issues or problems and sh1t just got a whole lot messier.
I admit as a man I will never understand the bond between a mother and a son. I know how much I love my son and what I would do for him but women take it to another level. In this way women should also understand the damage they do to a man when they shove him aside almost overnight, expect him to accept it and call him selfish when he complains.
I read that women nag as a way of transmitting that something is wrong and then go silent when they give up. We do the same. We call it complaining and it is I would say more focused on emotional needs than chores.
A woman may nag to get a light bulb changed for 3 days but not give a second thought that she rejected him 5 times this month to have sex and they have only had sex twice because for her it is enough in general.
A man will complain to his wife that she shows no affection for 3 years and not give a hoot the bulb isnt working because you can still see in general.
In short, the best expression I ever heard to cover this was that a woman needs connection to have sex. A man needs sex to have a connection. If each one understood this really clearly I think a lot more marriages would be saved.
