The only place I feel OK is on the mat training I disappear into human chess. It's amazing. I'll lift and run but nothing like the gentle art of jiu jitsu. Sadly as soon as I'm done cleaning the mats etc reality sets in.
Last night we made love kinda I could barely function everything I closed my eyes I didn't see her with me. Wow this [censored]... I'm just dragging through day to day dealing with this..lol it [censored]. A term my father taught when I was young "grin f!$king" lol I lied through yesterday. And today and tomorrow and so on... I've never felt so down or lost in my life. frown wow... I'm afraid to goto sleep cause I'll have more visions...lol nice guys finish last... I wish I was a d!ck.