- I never said every man cheats - If you look at statistics, there is a high number of cheaters, around 50 - 60%. - I do not consider it OK at all. - Once that boundary is crossed it is a door that is never closed. - Just like an addict, rehab is forever. - Falling is easier the next time around. - The M never fully recovers. Ever. - Most people can deal with marital problems face to face because it implies interaction between both. - Affairs happen beyond the LBS reach until caught. Until then it is the uncertainty that eats away and the worst thing is you cant address it if you have no proof. - After that and presuming things work out, both need to put in a lot of work but the LBS has the worst part which is blind faith. As you know trust is something that is hard to obtain but easy to lose. - Another sad part about EAPA is that if you dont get caught you are more likely to fall. Get better at covering your tracks and do not see the damage you are causing. - Once you do get caught everything is different, reality bites and you see the devastation but are oblivious, lost and depending on your situation and character come to terms with it in different ways.
Going back to your comments and please understand this is my opinion with all respect and without full knowledge of your situation:
- Going years (so not once) at a time without sex and 6 months without talking. In what way is that considered a marriage? Did you address the issue? If so what happened? If not why not?
- How is developing a crush, enjoying a workers company too much, trying to impress her, finding ways to spend time with her not flirting? If you analyze this, is this not considered an emotional affair? Maybe your co-worker did not get the memo but the fact YOU were doing it being married...How do you consider this behaviour appropriate? If your wife had done it would you have been Ok with that?
- In your paragraph you say you blame your W because you were trying to stay committed and instead of recognizing ... supporting me through my temptations....giving me every reason to justify... did you ever stop to think why she did not? did you ever stop to think she feltt he same? How did you expect her to recognize how hard it is and why should she if you never told her? How did you expect your W to support you during your temptation? What makes you think she should? Because you dont exist for her you at some point thought it was justifiable to have an EAPA. Not walk out and then find someone.
- After you realized it was BS, what did you do to change the situation and improve your M? Why only indicate as a deterrent that you would be in the same situation 5 years from now + a broken home. why would you believe that? if you were guaranteed that would not happen, would you have had an EAPA?
- Would you consider your actions were more to get a reaction from your W as a last call than she could lose you? How does one consider that telling a S of a crush at work, that it is now gone public and on top of that that you resigned to be a wake up call to make the s come running to your arms or open up? Why choose this method and once again why not consider other options that were available? Why continue for another 3 years in a dead R? If you tried something before and it did not work what made you think it would now? If you never tried, what made you think more of the same would work?
- After your confession, what did you do to remedy it?
- Maybe I am wrong but I think your co-worker was unaware of your feelings for her? If so how did she react? If not did she connect with you?
- Had you known your W would not be so ... noble .. would you have gone to the next level? During which time did she have the EAPA and for how long?
- I am happy that you can sleep at night, so can I. I also know who I was and who I am and that I need to work on myself to continue changing. Do you look back and see how you contributed and what you could have done differently or did you rest the blame on her?
- More importantly I have also got to know who my W is and what I must do unconditionally to get her back which is why I am here. I think we are piecing and only time will tell how this jigsaw ends up.
- The cliched look in the mirror sounds nice. The problem is many can look in the mirror for different reasons. when I do i see a messed up guy given a second chance and scared everyday of blowing it. I see a guy that has fallen, picked himself up and working on not falling again. I see a guy that has endured as much as W during the M and was the weak one. When it was my time to step up i didnt.
Most of all however I see a man with his arms around a blurred female sihouette that each day that goes by gets clearer and clearer and hopes that one day it will be just as clear as him and that THAT day the sex and love will beat looking in the mirror ever again alone and uncertain.
