Seriously, I agree - we've already had 2 courses of C, the second of which lasted over 6 months. Didn't accomplish a thing. Same thing, W felt ganged-up-on, felt I was coming across to C as the "golden boy", and she was looking like the wicked witch, so it was a threat to her, and she wasn't motivated to participate. Add to that that she has a deep aversion to self-examination (self-esteem issues that, I fear, go back to childhood), and I'm really not expecting much, alhtough this time will be a bit different - she's initially going on her own. No plans for me to join at present. She also has said she might be willing to try sex therapy, although neither of us has a clear idea what that really is.
Anyway, as stated elsewhere (at the risk of being boring), I plan to engage her this weekend in conversation about expectations, not only for C, but also for our future. I'm going to be very clear that my expectations include
- her taking our problems seriously enough to make them a priority, - goal-setting and action-planning, for both of us, and
- meaningful dialog on our problems and what to do about them.
Without at least those things going on, in my mind there is no M, and we might as well realize it and start planning what comes after.
The cause of my current funk is my expectation that she will not see my expectations as reasonable, and will not be willing to put in the effort I see as necessary. I think we will have a fundamental difference of opinion as to what's needed and when, and what's reasonable to expect.
I'm hoping she will surprise me, but based on past experience, I'm not optimistic...
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