Wife checked out

[2ltl2lt]

Hello all,

Wife and I have been together for 18 years and married for 13.
We have two wonderful children D11 and S7.
I am 39 she is 38.
She is a very intelligent woman with a masters degree and is a CPA. We met in high school and dated for awhile before, as she says, "I broke her heart " and went back to another girlfriend.
We remained friends as we finished high school, she went off to college and I stayed in our hometown with then girlfriend. Things didn't work out between girlfriend and I, and I became single again at 20 years old. A few months later I ran into my now wife at a local club while she was visiting from college.
We immediately connected and we're constantly writing each other while she was away. (This was before cellphones were common). Anyhow, I ended up moving to her college town and worked there while she finished her bachelors degree. We were always together and were very happy. After she finished her degree we moved back to our hometown and she got a job in her field and I went back to work at my previous employer.

Several months go by and she quits this job and goes to a new one. After about a year there she was not getting along with her boss and ended up leaving this job as well.
She then came to work at the same place I was and we were together again all the time. We bought a house had our first child and were very happy. We continued this for about 5 years. We decided to build a new home in anticipation of having another child and sold our home moved in with in laws and we self contracted the build.

I did a lot of the work on the house myself after hours of my regular job.
We spend nearly a year on this and she gets pregnant towards the end of the build. Perfect timing. I am somewhat of a workaholic and she is a very schedule driving person. I would routinely work 60-70 hours a week and she would work 40 period. We move into new house have S and are very happy still. This was 7 years ago and I am thinking that we have begun our journey of the American dream.
In 2010 a new job opportunity comes up that sounds like it would take us to a new level of income so I decided to take a chance. The commute was brutal and the hours were long. I was hardly ever home and started drinking more and gained a lot of weight. This continued for three years and she had since got another job.

This is when she says things started going south. Although we were bringing home more money than ever she was carrying most of the load at home and I was always tired and irritated.

W expressed her concerns in a letter one night and I didn't react to it the way she thought I should. I wasn't angry or disrespectful but just didn't hear it the way she wanted me to.
It basically outlined her unhappiness about our situation and my increased drinking and weight gain. I did take it seriously and cut back on the drinking and started to exercise more. Over the past two years I have dropped 60 lbs.

I spend more time with the kids and the wife. I end up leaving that job to start a business.
She is not overly excited but agrees to handle the accounting and business side of things while I handle operations. As with any new business we struggle to make it work. I am not bringing home hardly any money and am still working long hours and weekends. Fast forward a year which puts us at about four months ago from now and she starts staying out late on Friday nights after playing softball, she has played almost continuously since she was 8 years old.

She played in college and we played together for a good while. This goes on for a few months and is extremely out of character for her.
I become suspicious that something is wrong. When I ask her about it she says she just needs to unwind and hang out with her friends. She never drank before this and started drinking every Friday after the games. I then looked at her phone and saw the old inappropriate text between her and a guy on the team. I didn't say anything.

For three weeks. One morning I wake up and ask her if she is cheating on me. She says no, but has kissed some random guy that she has not seen since.
Which I knew was a lie, because of the texts I had seen. I didn't say that I knew.
I thought I would let her tell me the truth. She wouldn't. We agree to see IC and on her first appointment she goes out to a local bar with OM. Low and behold my mother also shows up there and sees them together.
I didn't know this at the time. The same night when W gets home she gets in the shower and I check her phone and see that she planned to meet him there all day. I confront her and tell her she needs to move out.
This is when she gives me the old ILBNILWY speech and says that she doesn't think she can ever bridge the gap between us again. She moves in with MIL and I stay home with the kids.
It has been almost two months ago and she has since parted ways with OM but is actively and openly trying to date others.
She seems to be being honest with me since leaving and I tend to believe her because of the blatant absurdity of it. At this point we are going to counseling independently and jointly. She is still pursuing dating other people. Says she doesn't love me anymore but cries when she says it.
Still reeling from it.
Never thought it would happen to us.