Thank you Asitis. I just ordered the book. I am feeling so extremely emotional today. I am here with the IL's, they are treating me well, but why did it have to come to this?
I am concerned about my son. He has very good social skills and makes friends easily, and is very affectionate and open with me, so that is a good start.
I had a tremor in my arms and hands all day, could barely hold a drink. (drinking water!)
My jaw hurts all the time lately, I am afraid that I am going to break my teeth.
I feel like my body is giving out. I am crashing. I often feel both extremely strong and extremely "done" at the same time, if that makes sense. Not weak, but done.
Getting past this day will be a relief for me, and then I will re-evaluate.
As, when you say you fear I am letting H call all the shots. Yes, he is. But what do I do about it? What shots can I call? I feel immobilized, like anything I say is going to be seen as an ultimatum or will be "proof" that I am controlling. I don't know what to do.
Last night I felt detached for several hours, it was such a good feeling, almost euphoric, almost like being on a high. I need to get that back.
And on top of all of this, out of the blue I am experiencing a deep mourning for my grandfather, he died 12 years ago, he was so important to me and so loved, and I think going to visit my grandmother triggered this in me today, but I just keep tearing up and wanting my papa. I feel like I am almost as upset today missing him as I was when he actually passed, it is just hitting me so hard.
Sorry for the rambling, I am so emotional today. I feel so much loss. I am going to miss H's aunt and one of his cousin's in particular. And I can't even say goodbye as that would be melodramatic and its not like we are even separated, but I can see the writing on the wall. I can't do this anymore.
