Im a little shady about taking spouse's back after being WW. I mean, they have been with someone else, lied and betrayed us, we did not. Don't get me wrong, I would take mine back, but how do you deal with what they have done, and how do you live with the fact that they could do that to you, the breach of trust, and the fact that they could switch off from you and not have empathy for you? I don't understand how someone you have shared most of your life with, the person who has fathered or mothered your child can do this. Social media, family peer pressure, the breakdown of morals, stigma breakdown (birth of the "Cougar"). And I think one of the most damaging, Reality TV programs. My wife has started going to night clubs since our split, at 46 years old I would have thought that was behind her and was not age appropriate, how wrong I was. I thought I would have a look at the scene for my self, and was shocked. I attended a night club on the coast here and 70% of the women there were over 40, I could not believe it, when I was in my 20's if there was anyone over 30 in a club they were laughed at! I believe family value has degraded to a point of almost non existence, it's become socially accepted and too easy to just walk away and focus on individual happiness, don't worry about the family unit, as long as your happy it's all good, but what about the fall out from that, the breakdown of the family unit and the suffering of the innocent other half, and children, do the therapists take them into account? I know I had issues and I accepted that and have taken steps to address them, admittedly it was late into the relationship, but she had issues as well but did not want to work on them, the therapist told her individual happiness is what everyone deserves and I was taking that away from her.
Yes, this is the reality we live in. It stinks. But the sooner you accept reality the better.
Time for you to spend 100% of your energy building a life that you want to live for yourself. Your turn to be selfish. I hear you asking about FB pages. Don't worry about how your decisions will impact her. The best thing you can do is to detach and build your new life. The more you use her predicted reactions as a compass the more pain this will cause you and the more you will enable her destructive choices. Instead just decide- what would your life look like if you KNEW she would NEVER look back. Now start building it!
With one catch- no female companionship. You don't get to do anything that a married man shouldn't. Not fair? Well, what's not fair would be for you to judge her for her choices and then make similar choices. My motto has always been "act with the character you wish she had". Trust me, you are no where NEAR ready to be close to another woman. That's pure self medication, there is no growth in that. And you'd be slamming the door on any chances of R.
This isn't a sprint. There is no move that's going to win her back, nor is there any insight that will stop you from hurting. It is long, painful, lonely walk. And it doesn't lead to R. It leads to you accepting the loss, and finding yourself healthy and strong at the end. I'm not going to pretend that the loss won't hurt forever. It will. But it won't run your life.
I am still dealing with pain and anger, although probably like 5% of what it once was. What helped me was realizing this: If I couldn't be happy with my life, as it is TODAY...with my children, my job, my friends, my hobbies, and all of the blessings God has given me...if I STILL looked up to the sky and said "I can't possibly accept or be happy with this, I refuse to be satisfied with the life you've given me unless I get the marriage I want"...if I was really THAT unappreciative...well, in that case God throwing me a woman wouldn't possibly make me happy anyway.
What will your single life look like in 6 months?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
