New thread - My WW

[mvgfwd2]

Remember: Actions are strong, words are weak, doing nothing is acceptance.

You have now laid down the boundary of not sharing the marital bedroom with W while she is in contact with OM. Now you must take an action to back that boundary up. That would be moving her stuff to the spare bedroom and putting a keyed lock on the MB, if necessary, until she ends contact with OM.

You can't keep her out of the house but you can certainly keep her out of your bed.

I know it's not easy but you have to back up boundaries with action or W will take advantage of the weakness.

As far as the alarm is concerned, you can hang bells, or something like that, on the door handle that will make a loud noise when she comes in.

[Strngr!]

This seperation thing blows my mind she says were seperated yet we still live in the same house sleep in thw same bed drive together to places. I dont get it. Is her saying were seperated her way of justifying continued A. If were sererated its not cheating? Getting lost again i realy need to get on reading the book. Im almost to the poing whrre i go to the lawyer and draw up the papers for a D and hand em over see what she realy wants. She just keeps telling me she doesnt know what she wants. Shes not sure if we can get past trust issues now. She wants S so that she can figure out what she wants. But all the while shes staying in contact with the OM.

[mvgfwd2]

As long has she can have you and OM she doesn't have to figure what she wants. You must not allow her to cake-eat. It may be too early for the D papers but certainly see a L for understanding your rights and how the process works.

[Azzork]

StrongJ -
Do NOT draw up divorce papers to try to get a reaction from her. Do not do ANYTHING with the attempt to get a reaction from her.

Take actions based on your values, based on your needs.

[Zephyr]

This seperation thing blows my mind she says were seperated yet we still live in the same house sleep in thw same bed drive together to places. I dont get it. Is her saying were seperated her way of justifying continued A..

Ummm, yes. If she is 'separated' then she.is not married and she.no longer needs to trouble herself with those pesky vows.

That is an incredible tell. One that you better not ignore.

S, you had better get your ducks in a row. You are past 1/2 measures. Your wife is wayward. Certainly yes go to see a lawyer. Let her lead the way on the process.

As cadet says, dont be her closer. That goes for not making this easier for her to phuck you over...but please, please, Please protect yourself here.

[Strngr!]

StrongJ -
Do NOT draw up divorce papers to try to get a reaction from her. Do not do ANYTHING with the attempt to get a reaction from her.

Take actions based on your values, based on your needs.

Thanks azz I wont do it for that reason. I just feel like im almost at the point where i dont care on way or the other want to move forward. I know though that i need to have patience.

All we need is just a little patience

W is going out over night with her freind for a night of drinking dancing and crashing at a hotel room. That will give me a good oportunity to start moving foward with reading DR book finally

[Strngr!]

As cadet says, dont be her closer. That goes for not making this easier for her to phuck you over...but please, please, Please protect yourself here.

What do you mean by protect yourself?

[Strngr!]

As long has she can have you and OM she doesn't have to figure what she wants. You must not allow her to cake-eat. It may be too early for the D papers but certainly see a L for understanding your rights and how the process works.

Doing my best to keep here from cake eating. Im trying very hard to follow sandi's rules to a T

[Strngr!]

Remember: Actions are strong, words are weak, doing nothing is acceptance.

You have now laid down the boundary of not sharing the marital bedroom with W while she is in contact with OM. Now you must take an action to back that boundary up. That would be moving her stuff to the spare bedroom and putting a keyed lock on the MB, if necessary, until she ends contact with OM.

You can't keep her out of the house but you can certainly keep her out of your bed.

I know it's not easy but you have to back up boundaries with action or W will take advantage of the weakness.

As far as the alarm is concerned, you can hang bells, or something like that, on the door handle that will make a loud noise when she comes in.

I am a very sound sleeper not sure how well this would work. Is the intention that she wakes me when she comes home late at night?

[mvgfwd2]

She is treating your house as if it was a hotel. Coming home late just to sleep and shower. The idea of the alarm is to be such an annoyance and create some guilt that she won't do it. And you would know when she came in. Even if you are a heavy sleeper she doesn't know you didn't hear it. It should have the same effect. Just creating an atmosphere where her exciting secret world is not so secret and may become less exciting.