I am at the IL's. We left at 4:30 am to get here. Last night before bed I asked H what time he set the alarm clock. He said "You don't want to know." I said "I know its early, but what time?" He kept saying "you don't want to know." So finally I said "Please just tell me, that isn't fair, I need to know." So he told me, we went to sleep, got up at 4, drove all morning and are here now at the IL's. I came downstairs to check online my daughter's lab results just came in this morning. Best results yet! Anyway, H came down and sat beside me, was sitting quietly and we could hear the IL's upstairs. I thought "wow, what a big step, he is choosing to sit quietly with me rather than be with the IL's."

So, after about 15 minutes, H says "Last night I didn't like how you spoke to me. You cut me down and I was just making a joke." I didn't even know what he was talking about! He mentioned the above conversation I just posted, about the wake up time. I am sitting here, in his parents house, people who have just spent the last 10 months talking nonstop about how much they hate me, after being cheated on, raged at, told I am hated, and HE is complaining that I didn't realize he was joking about a very minor thing last night? Will he EVER be just normal? Can I EVER be given a break, ever? I said I didn't intend it that way, I am sorry if I wasn't playful, I wasn't angry with him, I was tired and please don't read into it. And then he asked if I wanted him to stay down here with him or go upstairs? I said "Just BE. Do what you want. Relax. Enjoy Thanksgiving, nobody is attacking you, nobody is shooting down your jokes, there is no agenda, just BE." And he gave me a hug and went upstairs.

So I am sitting here thinking is this positive or negative? I really am starting to see how every single one of his complaints is 100% projection on his part.

Also we stopped at my grandmothers house on the way, she is 97 and has alzheimers. I brought her and my uncle Thanksgiving dinners (she is homebound) and before we left I had this overwhelming urge to just stay there with them. To be with people who actually love me and would be happy to have me. Maybe next year. This is so painful.