Same here. In the recent past she has started coloring her hair, started running (which she always hated), started spending more time with girlfriends who have had troubled marriages and who cheated, been obsessed with weight loss and supplements (even though she has never been overweight and has always been beautiful in my eyes, always my first choice...which of course doesn't matter cause it's me ).
Her choices are odd, she's very disorganized about life in general and this seems to have proceeded in a similar way. Very little if any communication about the process at all...she's the one who initiated it and wants out, yet I've had to get in touch a few times to ask about status of papers, etc.
I was willing to forgive the affair if she was willing to work on the marriage. I can tell you that I don't consider myself spiritually mature, but I just think it's the right thing to do if she were willing to do the work herself. Obviously, she wasn't.
My kids also don't want to be around her much. One of them has much more animosity toward her. I honestly don't think she ever wanted to be a wife and mother at all. She seems to like the idea of her doing/being most things more than the thing itself. Has never stuck to very much for a long time in her life. Runs around like a headless chicken all day and yet always seems bored and restless...then when there was nothing else to do, she would sit and drink til she passed out. All of that was my fault, of course.
I can't remember ever getting a sincere apology from my wife. Just damage control whenever she got caught or did something stupid in front of me. As for pretense...she is a master and I (aside from just being polite in social situations) refuse to put on an act.
I didn't mean to hijack your thread...just saying that you're not the only one out there, and neither is your spouse!
). 