Lost Hope (5)

[JulieH]

Thanks max, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I guess it's a universal scenario that occurs with young kids. He does not understand and does not want to understand how difficult it was for me after kids were born. I do wish I had given more to him but I can't change things. I apologized and wanted to work on things, but he felt we couldn't. I still have yet to give him a letter, but I can't when I am still this angry. It needs to be authentic.

Husband was pretty much an only child and I know his mom did everything including work full time. Father was known as main provider (mom made a big deal of this to hide what was really going on) and now my husband is left in dark about his families real dynamics modeling how he believes we should be on something pretty dysfunctional. (I think a lot of our problems compounded after his father died and he was getting pulled in tons of directions from mom and work and me with new babies). I do empathize but can't do much. And if there was in fact an affair, i am not spiritually mature enough of a person to forgive that.

I had a rough couple of months, and It's frusturating but I think in long run i will survive this better then he will. Deep down, he is actually more sentimental then me. He is about to lose everything. he has some problems including Weird OCD issues and has been drinking a lot and gaining weight. I can't see him having an easy time with woman and relationships. In past he would say things like "I'm not having affair, woman are the last thing I can handle". One of my sons does not want to be around him and that is probably hurtful as well. I think he is about to hit rock bottom once we go to court because now it won't be about him having freedom and independence from a "nagging" wife. He will have consequences. He is also realizing that this is not going to be the happy and laughing divorced families all coming together for the holidays and doing things together for the good of the children. I don't put on pretenses.

Or maybe it will only hurt him a little. He always talked about how independent he was, and that he didn't need anything from anyone and preferred his solitude.