She's thinking of leaving again

[Zues126]

I don't get it. Why are you allowing her into your space, texting back and forth, and hugging and kissing her?

Actions speak louder than words, and your actions are telling her that you're her plan B, you will continue to accept whatever treatment she dishes out even if it's literally living with another man and only contacting you when she feels like it in the manner and degree she wants. And all of this explaining, asking questions, sharing your opinions, debating, etc, it's just weak.

You're acting like you've set boundaries but from what I've seen what you've done is cut the pursuing and cake eating from 100% to 40%.

I text/email STBX maybe 1-2 times a month. We have three children together. But it is very clear I will not be friends with someone that chose to destroy my family. I do NOT share my thoughts, my feelings, my perspectives. It's obvious she doesn't care. I moved forward with my life.

The hard reality is in this day and age this isn't unusual. What you need to understand is that she is free to choose her own road, and many WW will indeed never come back. All you can do is enable her and make it worse, and keep yourself trapped in an ongoing tragedy.

What you're doing makes so little sense that I think we need to go a level deeper: What needs of YOURS are being met in this current relationship? Is this relationship, as it is, meeting enough of your emotional needs that you must cling to it even when you are disgusted with her treatment of you? Do you get a sense of purpose from being the 'suffering and noble victim', and pride yourself on how much abuse you put up with?

Might want to figure that out. There is nothing noble about suffering. It isn't noble. That's the spin victims give when they're not strong enough to take control of their lives. GAL is about making new friendships, finding new activities, etc, that can meet the needs you used to get from WW. That is why it is so important, so you don't have to fight to drop the rope, you'll just find you don't need the rope as suddenly it is doing more harm than good. It's on YOU to get to that point.

Sorry to be harsh, I get you're hurting, that's why I'm hoping you see you need to take much more drastic action to put yourself in a better spot. Note- I didn't say 'show her' anything or 'win her back'. I said put yourself in a better spot. She's probably not coming back, and certainly not as long as you're emotionally entangled with her. Bottom line, if you're still hoping she comes around you need to focus more on you and keep moving forward.