Yes, move her out of your MB. That is for committed spouses only. Second, to end the late night nonsense here is what one of the masters on here did when his W was doing that.
He set the house alarm when he went to bed so it would go off when she came in. It pretty much ended the disrespectful late nights out. Just change the passcode to something only you know. Let her know it will be set when you go to bed. You and S1 deserve better from her.
Personally, I would not take her to your family Christmas party, just S1. She fired you as her H, that means all the good times too. Same for her Birthday. That is gone.
If anyone asks tell them to ask her. If they press, don't lie, but you don't have to tell everything either. Just what you feel comfortable with. Your W should know you won't lie for her if asked about what is going on.
Last edited by mvgfwd2; 11/26/1503:20 AM.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
To clarify, when setting the alarm don't tell her it is on the first time you set it. Only let her know it will be set from now on after she makes it go off the first time. That will be a real eye opener for her.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
There are 7 states that you can collect damages from the OM for damaging your marriage. Kind of a deterent for cheating with married people. If your in one of those states you could mention it to your friend who is dating her friend as just an interesting bit of trivia. Just watching that get around would be entertaining.
Last edited by mvgfwd2; 11/26/1503:30 AM.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
As far as feeling like there is no hope that's natural. Your life just got turned upside down and you are still looking for how to fix it. This is what your GALing is all about. It gets your mind out of the mess and looking forward. Stand your ground with boundaries and work on making yourself the best person, father, etc. you can be. Do new, exciting things. From what others have said on here most A's end within 6 months. Once the shinny, new A becomes old with all the warts it dies from no longer being the exciting forbidden fruit. Your boundaries and GALing are meant to help the process along. She gets to see what life is really like if she were to pursue separation or D and you become the guy she would be a fool to leave.
Last edited by mvgfwd2; 11/26/1504:04 AM.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Tried to tell her she needs to sleep elswhere. This failed miserably. She got upset and carried on sayin she doesnt want to sleep elsewhere and all this she wouldnt leave and just kept sitting on the bed. I tried to take up the whole bed but she made space after about an hour of back and forth we just went to sleep. Ugh epic fail!
I dont have a house alarm so cant do that idea
I'am not from USA and im not sure what laws are here about affairs but im sure they are more forgiving then in those 7 states.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
The fact she fought for the MBR almost like begging and YOU did not do as others and leave but claimed it yours is in my eyes a win.
Maybe put her things out of the MBR and into the spare. I do not know what is so special for a woman to have her stuff out of MBR as compared to a guy.
In my case it was like a scene from 28 days later...
I think the main idea is that you stay in the MBR. If the S is cheating, and knows that you know she's cheating, then you can tell her she needs to sleep elsewhere, other than the marital bed. If she is that idiotic to wrestle you over sleeping in the bed, then you can't physically throw her out. If my H told me I wasn't welcome in our bed.........do you think I'd hang on to the edge of the mattress? I don't understand a woman like her.
If she doesn't want to be M to you, doesn't want you for her H.......what is her point in sleeping in the bed with you? Don't ya kind of wish OM could have seen her fighting to sleep next to you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
There was a poster here (maybe merxk) who's dire wanted out. The night hé got served with divorce papers she came to bed as usual with him!
Good thing about being on this site you get a taste of what to expect. Basically expect the unexpected or better still have no expectations.
If she crosses your boundary again with om, move hestuff out before she gets home.Some people lock the mbr door.DDon't make a drama of it and don't fight about it.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Drop it for now, You've made your point, Observe and if she sees OM again, chuck her stuff out.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
In the UK, you can file for D on the grounds of adultery if you have proof of a PA. For example, my H emailed me to say he was having a PA. If you file on these grounds, you could choose to cite the OP as co-respondent and papers would also be served to them for a response. I believe you can also seek a financial contribution from them for the cost of the D process. So, you could choose to make it all rather uncomfortable for OP.
A little part of me was a little bit tempted, but my L advised that few people go down this route and she didn't recommend it. In the event, I decided not to file for D and my H has filed. As far as I'm aware, filing on those grounds doesn't impact at all on financial arrangements.
I agree with just moving all her stuff out of the MBR.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
