If you let them continue then that means you knew they were up to no good. I do not have to let anything if it is healthy. I knew my Wwas up to no good after seeing just one message from OM. Nothing incriminating on its own but we know our W and when something is out of sync our gut feeling kicks in.
Another thing, to me an EA is just as bad as PA and also a prelude. Even more. We know how women tick and that they need emotion to fuel the fire. Your W has been given the fuel, are you just waiting for the spark?
I read the transcript of the message, you are being laughed at by the OM and your W and there is definitely an EA going on. In the part I read I did not see any missing you comment but what I did see is inappropriate by any standard.
If you are to gain any respect from your W you need to get it from you first. There are so many expressions to be used to describe your next steps but I would concentrate on boundaries first, then detaching and finally GAL.
As for the richard (d1ck) of her friend, I would erase him and her from FB as friends saying thanks but you are not into groupies and leave it at that.
If you are financing her phone, petrol etc, I would stop it. Tell her this is your idea of an open marriage ... you are open to OM sponsoring her ways. if she wants to be some else's cake then they can pay for the ingredients.
Do not go into a slanging match with her when she rants. STFU listen to her, validate what is correct, disagree with what is not and stop her if she disrespects you. stand up for yourself.
I remember Sandi saying that the eye rolling and others as you metion are signs she has no respect. You need to earn it for now and for later.
Any new relationship you may get into should this fail... you need your partner to respect you otherwise you will fall into the same trap.
