In the UK - need help (pt15)

[Pyrite]

hey Huddy,

I've just skimmed - apologies - lots to catch up on since I've been away.

I think you are selling yourself short mate. I keep reading about cooking and bathing for the kids. Your SD is old enough that they WILL listen to her. Your W being considered to be the main carer - how much of that is HER opinion. OK - so maybe she did spend more hours with them because you were working and unfortunately that is not really a concern from the perspective of the children and hence custody - BUT - as mentioned a while back by NDY (I think). All you have to show is that you have been a "significant" hands on carer. Having a solid plan is gold.

I suspect our courts are very similar andI reckon that you have enough that the Judge will immediately ask "How is it in the best interest of the kids to facilitate the Ws claim here?" Judges are hesitant to make ANY order unless they are convinced that it is the right one AND certainly not going to come back to bite them. Hence the first thing the Judge will likely do is stamp that a bunch of additional "tests" are done. Even if all that these tests show is that Huddy should be a part of their lives, then the issue of your W moving far away jeopardises this for real reasons. Your W may indeed claim that her support network is far away, to which the response is "crap - the kid's network is right here. She's claiming to have been primary carer and at the same time I need help. Hello idiot, here is the father, solid, already the carer, reasonably asserting his desire and availability". [censored] WAS's selfish delusion!

I'm ~10K into this custody crap, and there are some differences, but the bottom line - is NOBODY gives a flying [censored] about you or her. Its about the kids - and if their best interests are served by NOT upending the whole caboodle, then deal with it W.

Even better, for you (and me), before a decision is made, if the Judge doesn't, your L can request a family psych assessment. Given the last several months of the "Huddy Show", I can't imagine how she (or my W) is gonna nail this one.

Sorry - jaded advice by my own sitch. Just had a cracker of a fight with the STBX.

one las thing - with respect to W/STBX - after several months this is bound to be just a dull ache for you now, not the brutal sledgehammer in the guts anymore. Other things have bubbled back up to occupy your conscious mind. Well it is only going to get better. It doesn't mean that this [censored] any less, but life is far from over.

I woke up to myself a few days before court. I realised that hey - I had absolutely nothing to gain by standing up to my W wanting to move. Now I stand to lose custody. I cursed myself for putting that on the line. Personally I had nothing to win, possibly even lost by not relocating. I have A LOT to lose. But my kids don't deserve this.They dont know now, and they possibly never will that I have put it all on the line for them, because they dont even know what the proposal is. So - bringing it back to you as well - if we lose - if life is simply that unfair - what more can we do.

Be proud of yourself Huddy - you have gone beyond what almost anyone would do. You will shine my friend.

NDY - this goes for you too mate - I am just too lazy for two posts in one night ';)

-Py