What your h is telling you is script. We all have heard something very similar. They truly do not mean it, nor will they remember a lot of what they've said while on their journey. It's depression speaking.
The ow is a distraction or as we say here...a band aid. Nothing more. She's nothing special and if she hadn't been around, he would have chosen someone else. It's all an avoidance tactic not to have to look within and figure things out for himself. Some gamble, do drugs, drink, become workaholics, etc.
I agree w/Lou...stay strong and do not allow what he says to bring you down.
Also, you need to start a new thread. You now have 103 postings.
