Nothing new on my sitch, we still seem to be walking towards the goal line here. I'm doing another dog swap this weekend, can't wait to have my boy back. I haven't spoken to my WAW since the trip last weekend other than a quick text about where to meet.
On the personal front, all kinds of things have happened that have moved me along in my process. Two big pieces of my travels next year have fallen into place letting me know that it's actually going to happen rather than stay held in my imagination.
At this point it's gone from fear of walking out on my life for a year to excitement about an adventure that I'm overjoyed to be experiencing. So much of my life from an early age has been strictly goal oriented with much of it as delayed gratification. This next year is truly just for self exploration. Can't wait.
This past week I also finalized the deal with my business partner, signed over my share of the company to him and made the public announcement to our clients. It moved extremely quickly and the outpouring of love and support that I got from our clientele was simply overwhelming. I received messages and emails from people I hadn't seen or spoken to in years talking about how different their lives are from what they have learned under my me. I cried almost all day as it all came in - I will aptly name 2015 as "The Year I Cried." Truly I have never felt so blessed, nor so loved, nor so supported in my entire life.
This week my focus has been entirely on the transition from my business and community to my next phase of life and it has pushed thoughts of my W almost completely out of my mind. The more I focus on this adventure, and what I want to create out of it, the less fear I have around not being M'ed or having a family of my own. All of my mental pennies have been going into the future bucket and not into the past bucket and it's felt great. Very liberating.
Maybe this is really what is meant by "detaching"? Or it's how it feels to be attaching to something other than my M. I honestly feel a bit like a little kid that knows in a few months he gets to go to Disneyland for an entire year. Sure on some level I wish my W was coming with me, but part of me also doesn't want her along for this ride. She left, I stayed and fought. She told me she thought I'd go off the deep end, instead I got sober and rose to a level she's never seen before. I earned all of this without her.
Cheers,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
