Julie, I keep trying to respond to you and I keep deleting my post because I am hijacking it with my own sitch. But maybe it will help you.
Last night I scrolled back through my old texts - back to Jan-Feb - preBD and I wish I did this sooner. It made me realize that every single thing H had spewed and complained about me was right there in the texts, but in such an innocent and every day way, he twisted everything.
And I was so desperate to save our marriage and I just took it and tortured myself and beat myself up for months. No, I was not perfect. Yes, there was a grain of truth to many of his complaints. But it was not what he said, and it was not my fault. It boils down to he cracked. He lied, he manipulated the truth, he didn't deal with issues in an honest and open manner. He pretended things were ok, or didn't address them fairly, and then when he decided it was too hard he exploded it all onto me.
And that says 100% about who he is and really maybe 2% about who I am.
Think about it. Of course you are not perfect, nobody is. But you are still there, still taking care of those children, still communicating and moving forward and dealing with things in an honest manner and taking responsibility. You are not the problem. Your "problems" are not the problem. The problem is that he is not accepting responsibility or being honest about the situation. He needs to man up, and you need a L to enforce that because he sure isn't doing it on his own.
It is time to stop doubting yourself. You are not the problem here.
