I was actually scared to live alone Ghost. I didnt know what i would do without my wife and my daughters. It has been 10 weeks and 4 days that i havent seen them. As crazy at it sounds , ive never felt better. I feel energized , i like coming home, i do whatever i want come as late as i want. IT'S AWESOME! All though i cant wait until i see my daughters , court should be next week :)))
You can do it! One of the greatest discoveries a man makes is finding out he can do what he most feared.
yea ghost... things happened so quickly with me I didn't even have the chance to worry about living alone. It doesn't bother me. I get to do what I want, when I want. I can buy ice cream with chunky stuff in it and haven't watch any reality TV in 4 months!
G I'd like to share a little of my story with you if I may?
Last year after BD1 I did the whole r talks and doing nice thing for her etc and she keep pulling the rope. At that time I was just like you. Spinning like a maniac, unable to concentrate, not sleeping or eating etc. You know what I mean.
Then I got BD2 when my ExW admitted she was sleeping with OM. And she volunteered this information. I broke. I was at the lowest point in my life. Lower than you are right now.
I left and stayed with family for months. I was probably sleeping between 2 and 3 hours a night and not eating enough to feed a cat. But my family pulled me through. And I don't just mean my blood family, I mean my DB family.
The hero's here on this forum helped me come to terms with what was happening but more importantly they taught me to work on me.
I followed their advice and moved back home. That my friend was hard but I did what the guys here advised and did it anyway. I was losing the fear now. She was losing her control.
All this time I feared everything you are scared of as well. Especially the living alone part. Then she left.
And the thing is at first is sucked. Then over time my confidence grew. I was taking care of the place. Bills were paid and S10 was looked after.
Next week I move into my own place. The M house is sold and Ex and I have very little interaction.
I'm looking forward to this move. It's a new beginning. A new chapter if you will because I know it's going to be fantastic. And the only reason I believe that is because of the guys on here.
It's hard to let go of the fear. I get that but once you do I'm willing to bet things change rapidly for you.
Peace.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Your still taking this personal ghost. There was a point in time that the dysfunction (caused by the bother of you) contributed to the M breakdown. Before and during that time changes in either of you may have made things better. The point your at now is now longer about that, it's about her and only her. She has her own issues to work on and regardless of how great you do it may have no effect on her coming back. You doing everything good and living your life can attract her back, but she will still need to follow her own path and work on her before those mean anything.
Keep doing you and one day it's possible she will see what she thinks she will get from this new life isn't what she expected. Then when she looks back at you and the M she could have she will realize she left what she always wanted and may return. If that does happen it won't be anytime soon.
Last edited by Fogg; 11/29/1512:07 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I just read this story Ghost in A View On Buddhism. I think you could get something from it. While reading the story think of yourself as the good friend and your wife as the worm.
There is a wonderful little story about two monks who lived together in a monastery for many years; they were great friends. Then they died within a few months of one another. One of them got reborn in the heaven realms, the other monk got reborn as a worm in a dung pile. The one up in the heaven realms was having a wonderful time, enjoying all the heavenly pleasures. But he started thinking about his friend, "I wonder where my old mate has gone?" So he scanned all of the heaven realms, but could not find a trace of his friend. Then he scanned the realm of human beings, but he could not see any trace of his friend there, so he looked in the realm of animals and then of insects. Finally he found him, reborn as a worm in a dung pile... Wow! He thought: "I am going to help my friend. I am going to go down there to that dung pile and take him up to the heavenly realm so he too can enjoy the heavenly pleasures and bliss of living in these wonderful realms." So he went down to the dung pile and called his mate. And the little worm wriggled out and said: "Who are you?", "I am your friend. We used to be monks together in a past life, and I have come up to take you to the heaven realms where life is wonderful and blissful." But the worm said: "Go away, get lost!" "But I am your friend, and I live in the heaven realms," and he described the heaven realms to him. But the worm said: "No thank you, I am quite happy here in my dung pile. Please go away." Then the heavenly being thought: "Well if I could only just grab hold of him and take him up to the heaven realms, he could see for himself." So he grabbed hold of the worm and started tugging at him; and the harder he tugged, the harder that worm clung to his pile of dung. Do you get the moral of the story? How many of us are attached to our pile of dung?
