Spiff, I think you just need to keep DB'ing. Regardless of "why" our spouses are acting the way they are, or if it is actually in our best interests to remain married to them, right now we ARE married, we do love them, and we are not ready to file for D.
The decision most likely won't be ours anyway, so I think we DB for our own integrity, sanity, etc, and in the event that our screwed up spouses decide to reinvest in the marriage then we are armed with the knowledge and insight we need to decide if and how to proceed. In the meantime, we focus on our own selves, let the spouses do their thing, let it all play out.
