in house S (4)

[Fogg]

So this seems to be something many of us dip into at some point and I'll offer some perspective that may be useful in dealing with your WW in the future.

You felt that urge to talk to the barber friend and even go a little closer. You get your hair cut more and more, eventually wanting to talk to her outside of work. Your W is neglecting you and your emotional needs and here is this woman that seems to understand your value. It makes you feel good in the hell your going through. You justify one small step as ok becaue it's harmless (need to get your hair cut more alot look nicer), then the next closer step (having her listen ad a friend) and if it continues you find yourself doing more and more and who knows where that would end if she would have gone along with it. It's understandable, you are in a bad place where someone is neglecting your emotional needs and here's someone else that's fulfilling them, so how can it be wrong to go after it?

Here is the problem. This is exactly what many of our S's do. Their needs are being unmet for years due to various M dynamics and finally someone steps in and makes it feel good. Before they known it there in an A. One small step here leads to another small step and the next becomes easier and easier to justify until your in a place where you never thought you could be. This is why you need to be very careful with female friends at this stage, it's just too easy get caught up in feeling good for once.

Just some thoughts, it might help you to avoid demonizing your S's later on. Understand we are all broken people with needs and sometimes we follow what feels good instead of what we know is right. It's human nature.