The best manipulators are very, very subtle and it happens over a period of time (like the "boiling a frog" analogy). Many of them are passive aggressive or have even more severe personality issues. I'm not saying your H is any of that, but if he isn't the kind of person who just lays an issue out on the table if something's wrong and attempt to deal with it or solve it through direct and polite communication, I'd be a little on guard.
I don't have a lot about that in my posts because it's taken me a few months and some IC to see and understand some of how that had been going in our marriage. I'd also caution that a lot of times we're not being manipulated so much as we're manipulating ourselves by having unrealistic expectations and living in a kind of denial because we are sincerely trying to focus on the positive and do good work. Tricky stuff.
