^^^last post was good, more of that and less spinning over fear of the unknown. And yes, that fear of living alone is so much worse than actually living alone. Trust me on this, I felt the exact same way for a long time.
The only chance you have to make it better is to stop trying to make the M better and let go. As weird as that sounds as long as you cling to it and fear the outcome your not helping the situation.
Now what else can you do alone or with the kids to not make the days so mundane? This is your life, live it.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
