Lost Hope (5)

[JulieH]

Tl2, I'm gonna try to catch up with your sitch

JPEG I don't understand that type of neglect and selfishness when it comes to children. Isn't it instinctual that bond? My husband has said "you did nothing for me". I said I raised your sons. He said "that's not for me". It's his flesh and blood. How is it not for him? If he had helped with them I would have been able to do more for him. So simple. it's because they have no clue what it is like when they are little. As I have said, I also work and went back part time when kids were infants and my job is not sedentary... Going to work was a vacation. He now brings this up constantly. That he was out providing and I did little for him as someone that was not main provider. That the floors were never cleaned.
This period of time we both built up so much resentment. He does not understand where I am coming from and I don't understand him.

I know that regarding my husband, he observed some pretty dysfunctional roles. And was lied to by his mom to protect his dad so he thinks his dad's behaviors are norm and that my expectations are over the top. He also doesn't understand why his mom had to do it all and expects it of me. I feel bad for my mil, but I am also resenting her because she enabled everyone in her life and now I have to deal with the fall out.
In my family, my mother was a strong matriarch (and I'm not denying the dysfunction with her) and always got her way, so i am starting to recognize we were doomed to fail. I don't know if my expectations were over the top...but I remember really having great anger torwards him on the days when I was up before 6 with kids (plus nursing at night). Then going to work in afternoon and not coming home till 9. He would sleep in until 12 (sometimes later) and then come home from work at 7 and work a little and watch movies/ play video games at night. It was a struggle to get him to wake up and chip in. And I am still angry at it.

Plus I am frusturated that he is angry at me for it as well. He is not remembering that because his job changed and became more stressful past 2 years and kids got older and became easier for me. So now he resents me and resents that I work part time and feels like I don't contribute. I am really frusturated.