Unlurking to share my story

[SciDad]

MrBond,

I'm still wrestling with the questions of remorse and withdrawal. Did she express these emotions, but in a way I didn't translate properly? And if she was conflicted at the time I confronted her, would she express herself normally? Communication problems contributed to the decline of our marriage and still need to be addressed going forward

As for her grieving, if she cries privately does that make it less impactful? I'd prefer that she feels open enough to share her pain with me, but given the amount of pain she says she felt before she became wayward I can't see that happening overnight.

Bottom line, I need to start a dialogue(s) with her to explain 1) my insecurity, 2) my need for remorse/apology, 3) that it's OK for her to grieve for the relationship with the OM (as long as it remains in the past tense). I just don't know how/when to start that conversation.

Another question is how open I should remain. What is too much? Ideally, the door should be left open. I can't drag my wife through the door, nor can I wait expectingly with a bouquet of roses should she walk in. What exactly does open and willing look like to me and my W? I am still struggling with this.