ILYNILWY and it's done? Gift of 1 month

[Butterc]

First weekend since he's moved out. I ran across a box of his photos that I placed with his mail. He took D16 out for lunch with MIL. The dog is so depressed; she really was man's best friend. Wouldn't move an inch from him when he came in, now is moping around.
I don't want to cry anymore. I keep reminding myself I am doing better without him here, which is true. Just one of those rollercoaster drops that come less often now he is gone.

I feel so sad right now. He's thrown away a wonderful family life.

My GAL is going fabulous. Full-time job in my career, first in 20 years. (SAHM) And I just got my first paycheck. Feels so good. Then I get bummed that I am too responsible to just go and blow it all on a handbag.

[Rouky]

Nothing wrong with buying a handbag. You deserve it. You seem so strong. I admire you. Keep it up :-)

[focus22]

Gosh, I'm glad it's not just me thinking of buying a new handbag (and new jeans, because all my other ones are too big now).

*sigh*

[Butterc]

He's eating his cake!
This is driving me crazy at times. Welcome to my rollercoaster.

A bit of history:
Moved out last week. Has set up room for D16. Every morning and most afternoons he is able to drive over and p/u D for school. I've already left for work.

Then the texts: what are your dinner plans?
Would you like to meet us for dinner? etc

Comes into the house on the weekend to pick up D. Greets me with a smile, warm hug, kiss on cheek. *Hadn't seen him since he moved out days before*

Comes over a few days later after dropping off D, checks out the broken vacuum cleaner, goes over bills. Again hug hello and goodbye.

Texts me from work to say he is on overtime. Vents frustrations with co-workers.

Asks D to stay over this weekend.

Throughout all this, I am being dim. I respond to texts minimally, rarely initiate. I am supportive when he is talking about his feelings with work, daughter etc. I ask D if she would like me to join them for meals; she's responding yes.

So, it's been a week. He has seen her and stayed part of her routine the whole time. He is friendly and engaging. Then he works and I know it's his favorite distraction technique. He's having his cake. He sleeps in his new place.

D16 wants him to realize that he will be lonely without us around. She has decided not to stay over this weekend. Essentially it is his first night alone. She thinks maybe he should sit and think. I know he will be distracting himself with video games, tv and making plans with the one buddy he sees socially.

I'm not baking anymore.

[Butterc]

I was able to write down in my gratitude journal several things yesterday but it was so bittersweet because H was there for dinner and I happened to notice he took off his ring. Made me sick to my stomach... and that's unfortunate because I'm a darn good chef.

I actually confronted him about it. (So much for staying dim, I'm kicking myself) and I reminded him that our vows (which we said MONTHLY) started with" I, (name) choose you, (name)"
I held out my left hand and said told him, take the rings off, you haven't chosen me. It was very emotional and he wouldn't do it.

It was his choice, he didn't choose me, yet he won't give me an act that shows it.

I know, I'm looking at this the wrong way. He is not the man who proposed to me with that ring. He is not the man who stood and said those wedding vows. But he is still the guy who as late as August of this year (before BD in Sept) who still repeated his vows with me. It wasn't all my initiative either!. I would start on even months and he would do the odd.

Today I'm feeling better, Reading some threads here this morning helped so much. I needed some dosages of reality.

D is gone with him shopping Black Friday and I am going to sit down with my morning coffee and keep reading these boards, and journaling. Thank you all. So many of your posts make a BIG difference. I am not one for replying on other's boards, but I am grateful for your perspectives.

[Butterc]

Opinions please. I know this is an individual matter, but as the LBS who wants to save her marriage, isn't it useful to keep the wedding ring on? I know he doesn't care, I'm just not sure how I feel about it.

[Jpeg]

I am still wearing my rings and H walked out 14 months ago. I am still committed and honoring the vows I made 27 years ago. H on the other hand has had several sexual partners and is currently living with one of them ( but isn't committed to her either)
Anyway. I still consider myself married so I haven't thought for 1 second about taking my rings off. I choose to be honorable and respectful even though he is not. My choice right now

[mutatio]

I am wearing my wedding ring. My wife took her's off this summer. I wear it for me. I stood up in front of friends and family. I pledged my love and devotion to her. I took my ring from her for that promise. I am a man of my word. My ring reminds me of that promise. I will not take that ring off till my wife divorces me.

[Fogg]

Hi Buttercup, sorry you have to be here but your among friends. I'm glad your job is working out so well.

Taking off or leaving on the ring ends up being a personal choice and I've seen the arguments for both sides. I took mine off very early on and gave it back to E since I thought it was completely over. I was basically out of hope at that point and might of been looking for a reaction also.

There are times I wish I didn't take it off and waited until she D'ed me. Then other times where I was fine with it because it symbolized the death of the later parts of our dysfunctional M.

I still have M original ring we got married with in a safe deposit box alone with her newer ring she gave back to me on BD and then our separation agreement. We got newer rings a couple months before BD and mine ended up being really cheap so I ordered two just in case one size fit better. The one I gave back to her is still in her jewelry box and the other I threw in(near) a lake where had a bunch of our first dates.

Its not going to make or break the sitch to do either so don't think of it as being useful in making progress with H. Do what feels right to you and not what you think will get a reaction out of H.

[Butterc]

Doing a 180 feels really strange. I think I was successful...what do you think?
Made leftover chili with the turkey in a crockpot. Now, I was SAHM for 16 years, and now I'm working full time. So H brings D16 home from school and I have dinner waiting. H ends up doing house chores and I didn't invite him to share in the meal. He ends up chatting amicably, asking how work is going, etc. (Typical for our usual interaction; we are like sibling bff's.)
D16 wants steak, so plans made for the 3 of us to eat out together; something we've been doing regularly.
I can't believe he leaves me and I feel guilty for not including him in a meal!