What NDY, Cadet and Huddy are telling you is correct and listen to them. You are in emergency ward mode now and what you are feeling and she is saying are all scripted.
Your perception of logic in these moments is the complete opposite to what you need to do.
Chances are she has not started an A yet but when FB, WA and other social media come into play... it could mean she has started window shopping. Add to the cart possesiveness with the phone, change in appearance and out of habit visits or meetings then the chances are increasing. If there is also a lack of intimacy and not just sex but the small details the chances just rack up higher.
The reason to bring this up first is because we can handle a W in a crisis with unfulfilled dreams. We are not so tolerant, forgiving or cool with an A. be it EA or PA . As a result I always suggest you brace yourself. You know your W better than anyone here ... so you thought. After BD she is no longer that person. Thats is why scripted conversations are so helpful and a good guide on finding out who that person is infront of you.
if any of the above have got you curious or can relate to, your gut feeling will kick in and you will start snooping. I agree snooping is not OK but veryfying to see what you have infront of you I can go with. The more info we all have especially you the better decisions we can make and the higher the chance of success.
There is however a fine line between snooping and verifying. Just dont be obsessed with it. It will emotionally drain you.
I would suggest you back off for now. She needs space. They all do at this stage.
DO NOT go into superdad or super nanny mode. I often see this because the wife says so or they use it as part of GAL. What if you already did spend time with kids, how much more are you supposed to spend? As the other guys have said, she needs reasons to defend her behaviour. Those are the most consistently used by anyone. I do not know of a W that really dropped her H because he did not take out trash or spent only 3 hours a day with kids when he should have spent 4. With the life we live, having family time is complicated for both. Maybe if you added how much she spent with kids she would not be better off.
Anyway, I suggest you back off and really look into what she has complained about that could be true (after all we are not perfect).
Remember the other conversations that follow from BD and before, the clues are there. The BD is a script so you need to concentrate on the other conversationds and one liners or reactions to understand where you could have got it wrong. Anyhow, dont become obsessed neither and over kill on the behaviour.
One other thing, and this I find interesting. When hit with a BD and what seems a 100% commitment of the WS/WAS to get a D, why do LBS give up and want to facilitate? If they strongly believe it can work or supposedly love the S why throw in the towel so quick?. Is it because they are so noble and believe that the S should be happy even if it is without them or they do not have the strength or willpower to slug it out and repair the R? Whatever the reason, I always felt that hope was the last feeling you ever lose. The moment it isnt I think it is because the love has abandoned way before.
Anyway..
Read all the advice posted by Cadet, Sandi, etc and try to fit it in your life. Think of it as a How Not to Scr3w Up and Understand your S for dummies.
