On dropping the rope...the way I look at it, if you are holding on to the rope you're either trying to pull the spouse in your direction, or you are being dragged wherever they are going...like a puppy on a leash. Who wants that? We're adults!
As Seinfeld says...If I want a cookie, I can have a cookie!
Dropping the rope means you're going in your own direction and making decisions for yourself. You don't let the spouse's direction drive your decisions or feelings. What they do doesn't determine what you do or what you choose.
We often talk about this experience as being dragged behind them on a path we don't like, against our will. I think a better way to look at it is that the spouse is the one who has gone off the path...and now we're faced with the opportunity to choose our own path. We may not like it, may not think it's fair, may hurt, etc. But that is life. What matters most is not getting what we think we want right now, but in responding to this unwanted challenge in a positive way that helps us and our kids.
My W won't be my W in 10 years (I'm in the final stages of the D)...but I will need to have a life, my finances, and my health in 10 years, my kids will still be my kids in 10 years, etc.). And the future starts now.
