Thank you job for your advice.

I know I got way ahead of myself and am now feeling the disappointment. Its disheartening when you can see it but cant touch it.

Originally Posted By: job
The best thing you can do for the both of you is to live your life to the fullest.


This is where I am really struggling. The outer me is all smiles and laughs, my friends are in awe of the "strength" I have to move myself forward from what has happened to me, but my inside is telling a very different story, sadness and deep unhappiness. Dissatisfaction for how I am now living, the daily struggle to find the enthusiasm to keep going and to believe that life will get better. I worry about making ends meet each week, giving up the nicety's (like food, !!) to make that happen. And yes, I know that its the cards I have been dealt so get on with it, but it is hard to adjust to a life you never expected to be living. Goodness, I am throwing myself a pity party today .....well, I would but I cant afford to ha ha ha.

I only seem to know what I don't want, not what I do want, and that is such a negative attitude, I don't know why I am like this now. I have times of complete enthusiasm, I come up with a plan, then Bam! deflation. I look at how I am, I know that while I figure all this out I am wasting precious time - I am aware that I am only 7yrs off the age my mum died, she spent so much of her life doing for others that when she finally took time for her she lost her life, I don't want to be like that, I really don't want to look back feeling like I had such a sad existence, but unless I can get rid of these inner feelings then I fear I wont feel enjoyment and contentment, I wont have lead a fulfilling life. Its terrible, what holds them there?

So this is an honest post about what is happening inside, what I am really feeling. Sometimes we brush over the internal because we know no one really wants to hear it - like being asked "hows you day" at the checkout, you always reply "good thanks", its what we do, we don't say "well as you've asked, my h left me, my budgie died this morning, I locked myself out of my car, and oh I got an eviction notice from my landlord in the post - How's your day going?" lol.

I know you are all struggling in your own ways, some of you may feel the same as me, so I am giving you all a virtual hug, because once in a while we need one. {hugs}