Another thought while I am busy obsessing over my H. One of H's biggest "issues" when he "lost it" was that he felt disconnected from his father. So since BD he has been talking to his father every day, seems like they have a constant ongoing text conversation.

Now at what point is he going to make the realization that he has his own 2 sons who have practically zero relationship with him? At most he spends 5 minutes a day with them. Some days less.

Also my H is a workaholic, just like his father. Literally, working easily 14+ hours per day every day, including weekends. Well, yesterday I had a talk with my 12 year old. For the past 2 years my son has been "running a company" - he pretty much talks about his company every day, hires kids at recess to work for him, gets into regular labor disputes with them and then he has to fire someone, has the kids over regularly for "business meetings" and even one "all hands meeting" (which involved re-enacting scenes from the Hunger Games, lol.) Yesterday my son told me that he cannot stop thinking about his company, it keeps him up at night, he is worried that they are not making any profits and nobody has done any actual work in months. (OMG, this kid cracks me up.)

Suddenly a lightbulb went off in my head, that this is a lot more than imaginative play. This is a mini-H in the making. Is he going to crack up in his 40's when life gets tough and he realizes he doesn't have a relationship with his father and all he has is work? How can I prevent this from happening? I have plenty of non-workaholic males on my side of the family but they don't live near us, I want to find him a role model. And my younger son, his personality is a lot more like mine, and he seems very resilient, but still, he needs a father.

If we do divorce, and he gets every other weekend with the boys (he would not get our D, they do not want anything to do with each other) , maybe it would improve his relationship with them. He'd actually spend more time with them. It might be a blessing in disguise. Or he might ignore them those weekends like he does now. But it makes me wonder.