Focus on living life as it is in this moment

[Sotto]

Hi Focus, I'm struggling to advise here, but I would certainly say wait and get some advice before you respond to him at all. A delay of a few hours will do no harm.

So, he left about a month ago and you suspect his EA turned into a PA. Interesting that he doesn't say 'we need to talk' but asks you 'are you wanting to talk?'

My guess is it isn't good news. If he were feeling remorseful or inclined towards reconciliation, I think you'd be seeing 'I miss you, ILY' or similar.

I'm guessing he is (rather passively) offering you the opportunity to move things along in terms of formalising the S, or even D.

So, based on all of that, I'm not even sure how to respond. Have you formalised any S. arrangements and are there any housing or financial things to resolve? If so, I would prioritise those (I left all of that far too long in hope of reconciling.) I would certainly try and avoid a R talk as I don't think it will serve you well. He's probably still pretty foggy if the A is ongoing.

There may be an opportunity to state your boundaries - along lines of - I don't really have anything to say other than that I won't live in an open M. But actually he has already gone, so where's the point in that?

Do you ignore? Or 'miss the point' a little and respond with a pleasant and general - 'no all good with me, but let me know if you need anything from the house' or similar.

In general with an A (if you want to stand for the M) I think you do need to step back and let things run their course, while maintaining rock solid boundaries for you (I won't live in an open M.) What concerns me in your sitch is the series of women....and I also wonder....potential MLC. Having always been faithful (and vocal about fidelity) my H asked two separate women (who seemed interested in him) out for drinks before getting involved with OW. ie: he didn't just 'fall in' to an A, he sought to have one.

I know none of this perhaps helps much with your response, but these are all the things that sprang to mind when I read your post.

I'm no vet, so treat my input with some caution and I hope someone stops by with some more helpful advice.

Take care xx