I am grateful for my friends
I am grateful for my family
I am grateful that my job is being accommodating for now
I am grateful for my priest/counselor
I am grateful for the shooting star I saw last night
I am grateful for the meal that my cousin and his wife shared with me last night


----------------------------------------------------

After meeting with L, my IC/priest wants to meet. I think it will be helpful. I really hate that I have to meet with L. This [censored]. This is the hardest time of my life. By far, and I have been through difficult times before. I am ready for it to be over. I hate that the boys are going through this.

I think I have dropped the rope. There is nothing I can do. I know that, have just struggled to accept it. Now, to go as dark as possible and not be an ass. W comment of not respecting me, true or not, made me realize that she still isn't the girl I married. May never be again. And, the timing of everything worked out very well for her. As soon as my bonus check arrived, and the day after I finished remodeling she asked me to move out. She filed for D just before her own bonus check arrived. I paid for everything while I lived with my sister. W said it would just be a week or 2... and here we are. It appears now that she planned it this way, maybe not and I am just reading things into it. I would love nothing more than to have my old W back. She isn't here right now. Maybe she will be some day.

Anyway, this person that has filed for D is believing someone she calls a "pot stirrer" over what I have told her. She is looking for justification everywhere. Always the victim now. Sees nothing good from our time together other than our boys. Rewritten history. If this is the new W, like permanent, then I don't want to be in a R with her. It's sad, but I came to that realization last night. 10 months after BD.

I miss what we had. I miss being there for my kids everyday. I am struggling not to hate her today. I wish this all to be over. It would be so much easier if we didn't have the boys keeping us connected. I would just move to another town, and that would be it, but I can't.

Not looking forward to the L, or the money I waste talking to him, but I feel it needs to be done.


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....