Its really hard to be understanding and empathetic when whats broken is not physically in front of you, its all internal, hidden away, so its difficult to comprehend whats happening to your h, I really do understand how challenging this is for you.
There is a fine line between being understanding and allowing him to walk all over you. Make sure you stand firm when its important to you, although learn to pick your battles as sometimes its really not worth the fight; we tend to push back because we are hurting and completely confused about the situation we have found ourselves in. Taking the higher ground will serve you well - look at it as laying groundwork for your future interactions.
My h has mentioned how my demeanor with him throughout this time enabled him to come to me when he realised he needed/wanted help. Detach from his crazy or he will drag you along for the ride, a one way ticket to insanity for yourself !!
