Falling forward, not back.

[V2pt0]

Wow, I has been almost a month since I have posted. To be honest it has been nice to spend some time away from being so focused on this. Seems as though time has been flying by and can't believe it has now been eight and a half months since BD.

Very little to report about H. It has been a month and a half since we have had a conversation and that was at the last counseling session. Any communication has been by text, which has been very little and all initiated by H. His last text was a couple of weeks ago asking about whether I took care of the sprinkler system. I was pleasant, but to the point that I took care of it. I have thought about trying to reach out on a couple of occasions, but always end up opting not to, so I am still in NC. I am pretty detached at this stage, but it is hard not to be when there is zero interaction. I have been fully dropped by H as if I no longer exist, and if I am honest, it does hurt if I think about it too much. It does cause moments of questioning my self-worth and I have to fight against those feelings and remember this is about H and his crisis more than me being a horrible person. I just don't understand why he does not try to talk to me at all. Even to discuss D stuff.

As for me, I am doing ok. I was sick with a lingering cold that lasted about 5 weeks, so that put a damper on GAL. I also fell into a bit of a depressive state during that time, but I am starting to get out of my funk. I just did not feel like doing anything. I think it was a mix of the bending holidays, being sick, winter like weather, and work challenges. I went to a fun party this weekend and had a great time. I have had multiple people say that they have noticed that since all of this happened I have more light in me, am more fun to be around, that I am looking great, and my personality is showing more. Thank you DB!! Other than that, I have been working on some deep cleaning of the house, purging some things, organizing, and rearranging furniture. Must say things look great.

H's L sent over a settlement proposal to my L today. Just made me irritated looking at the numbers. My L said we can delay until after the holidays, which I agreed to. I don't want to deal with it all now since the added emotions with the holiday might make it hard to stay rational. I am sure that will not make H happy, but I need to stay focused on my mental and emotional well-being.

I have also been debating what to do with inlaws and the holidays. I opted to do the nice/right thing and put a Thanksgiving card in the mail today even though I have not heard one word from them since I filed, which I find hurtful. I have known these people for 14 years. We were not close, but we were friendly. I guess that is what D does.

I'll try and get caught up on everyone's threads this week. Off to Indiana on Wedneday to see my parents and brother, so looking forward to spending time back at home. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!