Day Two

[Lifes Twists]

Hi everyone,

It has been a while. Things are moving terribly slow. Sometimes I thinks it is getting better, then she pulls back again. She definitely sends a lot of mixed signals.

We have done a few things together as a family. She and I also have gone out for ice cream on quite a few Sundays. The draw back is that she also mentions how angry her family will be if we were to get back together.

My two oldest girls are also struggling with being around their mother. They both recognize that she has changed. My oldest cried one day when I drove her back to school. She feels she has lost her mother and that she will never return.

My middle daughter says she goes and stays with her only because she feels if she doesn't that her mom may attempt suicide again. She says her friends ask where she is when they call. If she is at my home they come over to hang out and make plans. If she is her mothers they decide where to meet up rather than go there.

Lately I am feeling that she is leading me on.She says there is a possibility of us getting back together, but then falls back on the people will be angry. I am lately feeling like maybe she is holding me for plan b while she figures out if there might be something else where she wont have to deal with the anger of her family.

I feel like I have been extremely patient. I am getting itchy to see something happen or move on myself. I do want to have someone in my life. I am starting to question whether she is worth the wait. I am feeling that she will never be happy and ask myself if I want to continue to have that in my life.

can one ever get away from the craziness when there are kids involved? I sometimes wonder if it is fair to bring someone into this situation? Am I off the wall or is this a normal part of the process to feel this way?