She wants me to Leave 3rd Time .....EA Confirmed!

[Georgia Bulldogs]

GB - I know the OM vaguely over the last 6 years as his D went to the same school as my S11.

Since W told me about him being a 'good friend' about 4 weeks ago I have met him twice and he asked via FB to be my 'friend'.

If I confront her she will say I am paranoid, 'he is just a good friend' 'ok I flirt with him a bit so what?? I flirt with lots of men' etc

Deflect and deny.

I am reading Sandi2s thread but initially it concerns the sitch where the A is out in the open and W cant deny.

How do I confront her without showing I hacked her FB messenger?

If you are patient the results of your investigation will usually lead you to documentable proof and the others you can kind of fudge.

For example, if you listen to a conversation she has with OM or her friend/sister in her car this weekend but you don't bring it up for another week after that, she won't necessarily remember where exactly she had that specific conversation. You could just say you put a cup up against the wall and listened through the wall while she was talking to someone in the bathroom. When you are in the middle of confronting, they are more concerned with what you actually know and whether they can deny it versus how and when you actually got the information. Another good excuse is to indicate you hired a private investigator and they got the information. You could even send yourself some emails from a fake email address typing out the exact conversation that you recorded. Their first instinct is that you or a PI hacked their phone. Usually a recorder isn't the first suspect and if you are judicious with what you share and smart about it they won't suspect a recording device at all.

Subterfuge - the recordings might indicate that they spent time together at XYZ restaurant or bar. Your wife's Spa Trip (I wonder if her sister really went) or the time she went shopping with the girls. Once you discover it was a lie you can then backtrack and send yourself an email from a anonymous friend that sent you an email indicating the he/she saw you and OM there and thought you should be aware. You said his kid goes to the same school - send a real fake letter to yourself in the mail, stamped and everything from an anonymous mother at the school that was herself a betrayed wife and saw your wife and OM acting inappropriately at school and she thought you should know that this person apologetically wanted you to know your wife was obviously (to her) cheating with this guy. The bonus of the anonymous tip off is that then the two of them don't know who at school is watching them and reporting back to you. Further...if one person knows...surely more do. It makes them paranoid and less concerned about how you really are getting your intel.

Again....she KNOWS she is cheating so the only thing you really have to sell is that she can't lie to you anymore because she's completely busted and you know everything.

Unfortunately, THEN is when you are more likely than not going to have a situation where she refuses to end it with the OM. She loves him and thinks he's her soulmate right now. OM is the one most likely to end it (especially after you tell his girlfriend baby mama). Then you'll be in the situations Sandi's threads talk about (though I don't like those threads at all - Sandi and I don't really see eye to eye - which is OK). You'll have a decision to make too - do you stick it out and continue to fight for your marriage/family, do you decide you've been abused enough and file for divorce yourself on the grounds of adultery (she might come begging back anyway) OR do you ask her to separate/leave, go dark and maybe try the last resort technique (GAL - detach 100% and begin your personally recovery with a firm boundary that you MAY be willing to recover with her if and only if she ends her affair FIRST and then commits to a marital recovery plan).

Also - IF you recover - you are going to need to move. Recovery requires NO CONTACT WITH OM FOR LIFE. Your son can't stay classmates with OM's son. Switching schools may be enough but moving would be best. Maybe move back to London where you and your wife first built the foundation the love in your relationship. As a bonus, you'll be close enough to work to be home every night and no more 2 hour commute.