I know how hopeful you are that there isn't more but your situation the last three years makes so much more sense IF she's been cheating than if she's just being wish washy. The reason the whole ILYBNILWY speech is so typical for wayward women is predicated on the fact that generally women only love one man at a time and if it ain't you (especially after spending months trying to reconnect with her) then it's someone else.

How long has this guy been around?

If they have been "friends" for a long time - I'd suspect it was him all along

If they are new "friends" then I'd suspect there was someone else three years ago that triggered this cascading descent in your marriage and now she's with a different guy.

Sorry. That's enough speculation. You'll know the truth soon enough. Be patient. Sometimes it takes a few days. You can do a few things to spur the need for them to communicate (just in case they get suspicious that you are suspicious and they back off communicating for a few days. Maybe change your plans and tell her you need to be gone all next week or vice versa. Also, it is very likely you'll get the best details from a conversation between her and her girlfriend or sister "in the know" rather than some cryptic conversation between her and OM. If this is a new OM; hopefully you'll be able to get any and all details of any and all past affairs (if any). The key is getting ALL the truth whatever it may be and then going from there.

Again - I am truly sorry. From everything I've read on your thread you have been running in circles and doing everything you could to save your marriage and family. You just didn't know you had a wayward partner that truly wasn't trying at all. Honesty is the foundation of all relationships....without it the structure above will only sink. You weren't perfect but nobody is. If this were the time to give you recommendations (and I say this now because I doubt I'll be around much), it would be that you need to find a job that serves your marriage and family first. You can't be spending so many nights apart. Either quit and find something local or find a way to work WITH your wife. You just can't rebuild a loving marriage of extraordinary care if you don't see each other literally every day.

The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!