I'm sorry that your FIL reminds you so much of your pain.
Still - how has he lived his life since? Did he marry MIL? Does MIL feel it was rape? Has he continued to behave badly or has he led a good life except for that?
Just be careful not to let your experience bleed over onto your FIL - HE is not responsible for YOUR experience.
And realistically, you probably do not have the power to keep H from having FIL around the kids.
And I agree with what Lou said about the difficulty guys can have leaving the military. One of my good friends was in the Air Force for over 20 years as a pilot. He retired and went into the civilian workforce, ended up with a job flying for a major airline (same type of jets). You would think this would have been a fairly smooth transition, but even he told me he missed the structure of the military - he didn't like having to make choices!
