I am away from home but actually returned tonight close to my home town to do my GAL activity - salsa dancing. W thinks I am 100 miles further away.
I had to reset her FB password using a joint acct so I could access it. She realised something was up about 30 mins later. And reset it again on her smartphone.
She has subsequently rung me twice ( voicemail 1st time and then text then another call) . I was doing salsa so didn't answer. She is checking my temperature.
I played it cool , no mention of OM ,, she talked about kids, let me speak to kids then talked about her work. I played it straight as a die.
So I'll gather evidence.
The FB messages I will analyse.
I am not home until Friday.
Not home until Friday. I'd have a lot of trouble sitting and waiting all week to even start to gather good intelligence.
If you have the means - I'd suggest calling a Private Investigator. With you out of town is when she is likely meeting up with OM. My guess he is either a guy from work OR a guy from the gym. When you are out of town he probably sneaks into your house for a couple hours after your kids go to bed. A private eye could stake out your house tonight and see if anyone comes over. While he/she is at it they could try to get a GPS tracking device on your wife's car. If you know who OM is try to get a tracking device on his car too. Amazingly, this isn't illegal in my state as long as they place the device on the car in a public area (they can't break into someone's garage and put it on). You being out of town is perfect cover. In the alternative, sneak back a day early yourself and stake it out yourself. It shouldn't be long after the boys go to bed that OM sneaks over...fools around and then heads home to his girlfriend.
Then...hide the recording device in her car before you have your confrontation with her whereby you tell her the gig is up and it's time to stop her affair or leave herself. She probably won't and you'll be stuck in a position like NYD for awhile sharing a home WHILE she remains wayward but maybe not. Like I said before, some way wards are relieved it's finally over. Living a lie is exhausting and anxiety laden. Anyway - you hide the device in her car before you confront because it is very typical that the wayward immediately after confrontation needs to take off for a drive so they can talk to their paramour about coordinating their stories and trying to figure out how to put the whole thing back in a box. It's a great conversation to snoop on because it tells you just about everything and USUALLY the OM freaks out in fear you are going to call his wife (or girlfriend in this case) and he starts the process of throwing the wayward wife under the bus by begging her to protect him and the secret from his girlfriend. This is usually NOT the response the wayward wife wants. She thinks and feels that she is his 1st priority and it's the first realization that she was really just a piece of side action to OM and he's a really good liar.
After that - no more snooping. GAL and detach. Read the Last Resort Technique whereby unless she ends her affair...you don't want anything to do with her. As hard as it is (I've been there) maintain your dignity. Do not yell or scream at her. Be a gentleman and remain calm and rational. Indicate that she has destroyed you and how devastated you are but that you are going to be OK...it's her that you are worried about (because really way wards don't fair well - depression and suicide are common). She is the mother of your children and IF YOU WANT TO (divorce is a legitimate option and no one would blame you if you filed and never looked back) but if you want to save this marriage - if she ends her affair you might actually FINALLY have a chance.
Very sorry for the day you've had. It's not like you are getting any real work done this week anyway - might as well call in sick and then go stake out your house. If nothing happens - just walk in real late acting sick as a dog and acting like you have the runs and vomiting. Race in - checking if OM is there but then run to the bathroom and pretend to be sick. Then go to bed. At some point, before or after you enter - try to hide the device in her car and then sleep or fake sleep until she leaves in the morning (with your recording device all set up ready to catch her). Retrieve it the next day and you should have enough "proof". Do understand that she KNOWS she's having an affair so it's not like the proof has to be enough to convince her....you just need enough to prove to her that you actually know the full truth (and/or be convincing that you know it all) such that you overcome the barrier whereupon she just can't keep denying it. The recording device in her car AFTER you confront should then tell you what her plans and intentions are AFTER you bust her.
Who is OM? What do you know about him? Once you finish having your revelation conversation with your wife I would strongly encourage you to let his girlfriend and baby mama know about the affair. Like you, she deserves to know the absolute truth about her life as well. Because they are not married (which is a big reason they both carry this affair on secretly for so long) his girlfriend is probably really in the driver's seat regarding custody. He wants to keep his family intact for his kid and your wife hoped to do the same for hers so they just cheat secretly for a long time. Once his girlfriend finds out - the most likely outcome (but not always) is that she whips her boyfriend back into line and gives him the choice of leaving or staying and never speaking to your wife again. Most OM's choose the later and try to save their primary relationships. There are no guarantees but the alternative (they keep dating and OM gets to cheat on his girlfriend behind her back while you know the truth - until some day far far far in the future someone makes a choice and decides to divorce or not is just unbearable. If your wife is eventually going to divorce you to be with OM - better now that another year or two of what you've been enduring already. Wouldn't you agree?
I know you claim to be spiritual but not that religious but did you know that the words "fear not" or "do not be afraid" appear over a 100 times in the Bible? God doesn't want you to be fearful. Adultery is evil. It's Satan attacking your family. You don't have to believe me - take a look around you. Everyone is miserable. Your kids can even sense it. Satan is relishing the victory of his demons over your family. If you never been a prayerful man...now might be the time to start. Google "a hedge of protection", "hedge of thorns" and "the armor of God" for a start.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
